b3ta.com user fernbrittonsexcessskin
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Profile for fernbrittonsexcessskin:
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not the most lady-like of girls. i like spending time on b3ta as nobody else understands my surreal sense of humour!

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» I'm going to Hell...

when i was a youngin...
i used to watch blue peter (shut up you all did!) i remember this dance troop were on once and there was a girl who had half an arm, just dancin away swingin that stump round and round! i laughed and laughed and laughed until a little wee came out.
(Thu 11th Dec 2008, 18:07, More)

» Customers from Hell

probably boring....sorry
i work in a shop mostly associated with middle class mums/30 somethings. theres one customer in particular really pisses us all off.

last christmas she bought an angora jumper in the sale. when i say she bought i mean one of her many men bought it and about £1000 worth of stuff for her.

couple of months went past and she comes back in, face like a slapped arse. she pulls out her lovely angora jumper and asks for a refund. but its 10 times smaller than it was originally. clearly been stuck in a boil wash. positive she's handwashed it and going mental at us apparently suggesting she was a liar. we kept the top to send to head office. however she ended up getting full price back plus another £40 for the inconvenience.

she also came in after our summer sale with 2 bags full of clothes from 3 sales previous including some from last year and demanded i gave her full price for everything even tho she had no reciept, still reeling from her last victory. this time i stood my ground i told her i could only give her £30 back on a credit note for the lot. and argued with her for about 5 minutes as to why i couldnt put it back on her visa. so she took a huge strop in the middle of the shop and threatened to have me sacked and put in a serious complaint about me to head office.

although miss all talk and no action never did but throws daggers at me everytime she comes in.

we also get customers in thinking we're M&S asking to pay their &more card bills. and when i try to tell them we're not M&S they look at me like im fucking stupid.
(Wed 10th Sep 2008, 19:29, More)

» Pubs

some girls visiting my local took it upon themselves to get on top of the pool table, get their twats out and start touching eachother, not pretend touching either.

As much as i realise that most of you guys would probably think this was absolutley awsome, the word skanks should be featured heavily here. The several vodkas i'd consumed didnt want to stay down long after that. Nobody wants to smell sweaty cunt when their in the pub with their mates trying to get bladdered of an evening.
(Fri 6th Feb 2009, 0:06, More)

» Things we do to fit in

i'm sure many can agree.
i was offered a fag at school by a group of cool kids, so i said yeh to "try and fit in" now i cant get through a day without more than my fair share of nicotine. still... i have no intention of quitting.
(Thu 15th Jan 2009, 20:36, More)

» Common

this isnt from me but my grandad! bless him!

according to him, at his local bingo fat birds with terrible taste in clothing are common. he told me today that:

" there's this one lass in particular who has a tummy like a half loaf of breed from somerfield" and "wears a hideous shiney pink top which reminds me of a knackered roller blind, it never stays down."

i never knew he had such a great way with words!
(Sun 19th Oct 2008, 22:36, More)
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