» Overheard secrets

Are there any friendly teddy bears out there ?
As a young lad I spent a few years as an RAF cadet, great fun. One summer we're spending a couple of weeks at RAF Sealand and someone's planned a game for us.
It was basically Capture The Flag, red team advance on an objective guarded by blue team and try to nick it. Only we're doing this at night.
The Blues (me) were outnumbered 2:1 but we were equipped with walkie-talkies to coordinate our defence. The (adult) flight sergeant assigned to supervise Blue team decided his time would be better spent propping up the bar at the local NAAFI and he brought his radio along in case things went pear shaped.
Two hours later. Two long, cold, wet, dark and very boring hours later we hadn't seen anything of Red Team when a voice came over the radio, it was one of our lads who was obviously as bored as I was. "Are there any friendly teddy bears out there ?"
A few moments silence was broken by another lad on the radio, "Yes, I'm a friendly teddy bear."
Then another, "I'm a friendly teddy bear too." "Me too, I'm a very friendly teddy bear." "I'm the friendliest teddy bear ever." Then someone started singing The Teddy Bears Picnic.
Now our irate and slightly sozzled Flight Sergeant came on the air and promptly turned it blue. He effed and blinded a lot about messing about with official RAF kit then added a few more adult type words that were educational to a 14 year old and judging by the backround laughter were entertaining to the NAAFI barflys.
When he finished his tirade the radios were silent for a full minute then a very quiet voice was heard, "Well you're not a very friendly teddy bear are you ?"
Apparently the NAAFI erupted in laughter. It didn't help that Flight's first name was Edward and when we went back the next year he was known to his peers as Flight Sergeant Bear.
(Sat 27th Aug 2011, 3:43, More)

» Overheard secrets

Alfred Hitchcock
Not my story but...
Alfred Hitchcock was in London in the 70s scouting out locations with a couple of his assistants. They got into an elevator near the top of a posh hotel, there was a young couple already inside, by their bug eyes they'd obviously recognised the director.
As the lift descended everyone's looking up at the floor indicator and avoiding eye contact, as you do, when Hitchcock stage whispers to one of his people, "I didn't think the old man would bleed so much."
Cue another minute or so of *very* uncomfortable silence and when the doors opened the young couple legged it at a rapid rate of knots.
(Sat 27th Aug 2011, 3:20, More)