» Mobile phone disasters

not so much a mobile disaster, as a 'had no mobile...should have spotted the disaster..'
it was the mid 90's, and unlike his best mate Loz, my fiance David didn't have a mobile phone. One night he'd gone out with his work colleagues and come home to an unholy row in the early hours as he "couldn't have phoned home, didn't remember his phone number". I was about as accepting as the non-Nazis were with the 'obeying orders' defence at Nuremberg. I cunted him off something chronic.
Two months later, and he's in hospital, having 'gone into one' after friends were over, and started talking utter nonsenes (despite only one can of Guinness) diagnosed with a massive brain tumour, the early symptoms of which were the apparent early-onset Alzheimer's he was displaying.
He fought. He fought hard. Two lots of brain surgery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy, the chemo he endured having been told there wasn't time to save his sperm but he'd be infertile, sorry.
So not a mobile phone disaster, but if he'd had a phone, I'd maybe have noticed something other than the "forgot your own number to get out of a bollocking" ruse he tried.
It's fourteen years now. I've never forgiven myself for not noticing the early signs. Maybe he'd still be alive.
(Tue 4th Aug 2009, 21:19, More)

» Spoilt Brats

Spoilt brats...
further to the child in the supermarket and the shallots, I was once in a bistro in Fulham and heard a little girl, no more than seven, wailing
"Oh no Mummy! I've spilt couscous down my gilet!!"

That is so wrong on so many levels.....
(Sat 11th Oct 2008, 12:10, More)

» Driven to Madness

Just one really.....
anyone who thinks just because some cunt on TOWIE or somewhere 'invents' a word like 'amazeballs' or 'reem' or says someone is 'well jell' that that word/phrase is somehow admittable into the English language.
If a cunt said it first, it's a cunty word. And does not belong. Unless you're speaking English for Cunts.
(Fri 5th Oct 2012, 19:07, More)

» "You're doing it wrong"

My ex-boyfriend's Mum...
used to have pretty heavy periods. One day we were all going out in the car to visit their family and she'd been whinging about sanitary towels etc leaking on long journeys and I'd said to her about Tampax and how they were great if you were having a really heavy day you could double up and be secure..

Well the day of the journey came and I knew she'd bought some as I'd been with her... we set off in the car and she is wriggling a bit and fidgeting.. at the first services we stopped at (two hours later) I said to her "how you finding the Tampons they're great aren't they" and she said

"yes but how long does it take for the cardboard to dissolve"
(Thu 15th Jul 2010, 21:50, More)

» Prejudice

Personalised number plates...
mark you out as a collossal cunt from the word go. Speshly if it's just a random number and your initials. Ok it's your car, we get that. The fact that you're driving it gives me a bit of a clue.

I could be prejudiced because I once dated a bloke with a personalised number plate and the nancy boy still lived at home with his parents. The whole family had personal plates. All cunts.

My ex boss had one and he was a cunt too. Jimmy Saville too. I rest my case.
(Thu 1st Apr 2010, 16:05, More)