b3ta.com user The Light in Chains
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I'm a lovely chap.

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» Social Networking Gaffes

Open mouth, insert... something
One of the women at work was nattering on about her kids and how she vets internet sites before she allows them to join. I'm nodding and "Mm-hm?"ing and not really paying attention.

"They want to join a party site, I forget what it's called now but I need to check it - is it faceparty?"

"No, you're thinking of lemonparty."

I got a bit of a shouting at the following day. I mean, it's not like she doesn't KNOW I'm a complete bastard.
(Fri 12th Sep 2008, 7:55, More)

» Turning into your parents

You're not turning into your parents until
you're on a night out and see a policeman -

and get less nervous.
(Wed 6th May 2009, 17:43, More)

» Conversation Killers

Back when I was in my early 20's
I used to hang around with a big group of people. Not all of them, all the time, but most nights there were a dozen of about 20 semi-regulars in "our" pub. And a lot of the time people were in entirely different states of sobriety - some were on a serious session, some were just getting drunk, and some were just hanging out.

On this particular occasion about 10 of us had taken over 3 tables and the hardcore drinkers, me included, were at one end. We'd been playing drinking games and I was pretty much into "I'm just going to rest my head on the table for a bit" stage.

Somehow the conversation at the other end of the table filtered into my brain over the noise of the jukebox and various too-loud people surrounding me, and I realised that E, a lovely young lass, was bemoaning her latest breakup by enumerating the guy's many flaws, obvious only in hindsight. Plaintively she cried, "Why can I only get shit boyfriends?"

Aha! I felt confident I knew the answer to this one! Into the silence as the jukebox switched tracks and those around her looked for a supportive comment, I raised my head from the pillow of my arms and loudly declared,

"It's because you're fat."

Satisfied I'd solved the problem, I put my head back down again and went back to resting my eyes.
(Thu 12th May 2011, 22:27, More)

» Unexpected Nudity

I remember my first mars bar
It was unexpectedly nougat-y.
(Mon 1st Jun 2009, 10:28, More)

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

What do you get when cheese explodes?
De Brie.
(Tue 8th May 2018, 20:57, More)
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