b3ta.com user groovegenerator
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Profile for groovegenerator:
Profile Info:

Err... ummm... Manchester....
umm.... choons... beer... unhealthy
obsession with Land Rovers (but drives a flipping people carrier now gah!)..... not
much of an artist.... can write songs
for robots.... poor excuse for a website
at www.groovegenerator.co.uk

Badly contactable at

groove underscore generator at hotmail dot commie

Recent front page messages:

We've been playing this

at the lockup all weekend. This card won.

Thanks to Undercover Media Darling for inspiration

EDIT: WOO FP Thank you one and all
(Mon 19th Jan 2004, 12:23, More)

It's still not available for you to test

EDIT FrontPage? Well I'd like to thank my....
Cobblers. It was me, me, me, me.....
(Tue 15th Jul 2003, 16:06, More)

It made

me go all thoughtful.

There's no snow here......
(Fri 31st Jan 2003, 11:29, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

Cultural Identity Worker
I had to fill in a form every year to let some funding body for work know my current status vis a vis address and the like. And there was a new question a few years ago saying, "Please indicate what you believe to be your cultural heritage." No one knew what this meant, so I asked about. My department was a very mixed bag of cultural heritages - some Iraqis, some Persians, lot of different Europeans. Everyone got on with each other famously, we just didn't get what this question was about. Some of the Persian lads (big drinkers) said, "You go out on the piss on St Patrick's - why don't you put down that you're a Celt?" So I did. I wrote "Celt".

Didn't think any more about it.

Until a couple of weeks later, when I got a letter form HR saying I'd been assigned a cultural identity worker as I was within a group that was radically under-represented within the workplace. I had an appointment the following week.

I spent half an hour sitting uncomfortably in the company of a delightful young lady as we talked about my needs as minority group.

"We have a special religious day," I perked up suddenly, "Every year, on the 17th of March, we have to wear a special outfit and commune together in a worshipful act."

St Pat's came. The Persian lads bought me an Ireland shirt and a huge Guinness hat. I had to put them on, and they shoved me out the door. The cultural identity lady stared at me big time. So did my boss.

"Don't you oppress me," I said holding my head up high as I shuffled off to O'Neills to meet some other Celts.

The question wasn't on the form the following year, and the nice lady now works for the Council.
(Fri 23rd Nov 2007, 22:10, More)

» Have you ever been dumped in a spectacular way?

Oh yes
My Fiancee dumped me by letter which she wrote from New Zealand, where she was staying as part of her "year out travelling".

The letter arrived on my birthday.

However, I did have all her valuable antique furniture at the time (left to her by her dearly departed father). How we laughed as we built a bonfire in my back garden.

She asked for it back when she arrived back in England. I sent it in an envelope....
(Thu 17th Jun 2004, 20:01, More)

» Losing Your Virginity

I think it has to be done with class!
I was wearing a hat at the time. yes - a hat! Not a baseball cap or somesuch, but a proper hat. And socks. And nothing else.

And she was a posh girl to boot.
(Sun 6th Mar 2005, 10:27, More)

» When I met the parents

Oh yes
Going to meet new girlfriend's parents for the first time at their house.

Her mum and dad are in the living room.

"Hi I'm groovegenerator"
"Hello - I'm Sarah's mum"
"Hello - how are you?"
"Well - okay. Sarah - we've got some news. Your father and I are going to get a divorce."

Room goes really quiet. Girlfriend breaks down in tears. Groovegenerator looks at floor hoping for hole to appear into which he can climb.
(Thu 19th May 2005, 14:48, More)

» Best Comebacks

On sharing a can of coke with a friend
I'm driving the car and he's in the passnger seat.

AT the traffic lights, I had had a big mouthful of coke and he was hinting that it was his turn.

He gets the can and starts wiping the top around the hole with a hanky.

"What are you doing?" I ask.
"I'm wiping the top so I don't get any of your germs," he replies.
"I haven't got aids you know," I respond
He takes a big mouthful and shrugs his shoulders.
"But I did just give a dog a blow job," I add.

Cue vast amounts of coke being sprayed onto windscreen.
(Fri 30th Apr 2004, 11:15, More)
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