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» Food sabotage

first post, be gentle
this happened tonight, about half an hour ago. backstory - i've just started fresher's week at uni, and i've been living in my new flat for a week already. there was another party in my flat tonight, third or fourth night in a row. one of my flatmates is pretty much jesus, i think, so everyone flocks to him. every party is exactly the same though - drink warm, flat beer, listen to shitty music, force tequila down ugly girls' throats with a beer bong and finally go out somewhere with expensive drinks and ex-bb contestants doing karaoke. tonight, i couldn't be arsed.

occasionally i join in, but it's not that much fun due to the fact that i don't really like anyone in my building, apart from my new flatmate who seems alright. he's not particularly cool or outgoing, but just seems like a normal person. a kindred spirit. a rare thing indeed in this harsh new world.

i resisted the temptation to go for a depressing walk to nowhere away from town, and cooped myself up in my room instead, reading in the dark and sipping from a cool can of beer. shakira, kanye west and pink blaring through the wall. i got absorbed in my own music, which at least i had the common decency to listen to through earphones. eventually i got sick of it and went into the kitchen - my kitchen - to get some cheese on toast. i couldn't get to the grill because the dozen or so people had all congregated specifically in that corner. so i pawed among the meagre contents of my fridge shelf before leaving. i thought someone made a passing comment or greeting to me as i left. i turned around - of course they hadn't. back to my room. i locked the door.

several minutes later, everyone eventually filed out of the flat. everyone was gone. awesome. i stepped out of my room. the light in the hall was off. only one man stood there. my flatmate; the nice one.

"they're gone now, mate" he said, and winked. i nearly melted on the spot. he'd been just as sick of everyone out there as me...he'd just tolerated those pricks in a way i couldn't anymore. what a man.

i choked out a single syllable of gratitude and headed for the kitchen. i'd run out of bread so i stole a stale slice from the prick. burnt it. stole another, what the hell. i could steal his food all night. i flipped it over, piled on the sliced cheese. back under the grill. done. i found one of the samplers of worcestershire sauce and poured it on top - then, as an afterthought, poured the remainder into the pricks vodka and coke that he'd left behind. i hope he tries to drink it when he gets back. i cackled with glee and ate my meal, my reward.

i've never been so happy.
(Mon 22nd Sep 2008, 23:05, More)