» Food sabotage

Not exactly deliberate sabotage, but it might of well have been.
A few years ago in shared student lodgings I lived with a guy who thought he could cook. He could not. Raw spaghetti is not ‘al dente’, it just wastes a meal. But he was pleased with skills and we were friends so we let him live with his foolish dreams. His name was the Trout.

One of our friends was going to have a quiet birthday staying in and having never tasted any of the trout’s cooking gave him a quarter to put into a chocolate cake, which we could then enjoy over an evening of N64ing.

It was by far the worst thing I have ever eaten. It was like heaving down black sand and cat litter. But there was a quarter in it, which was a king’s ransom in dope in those days, so we duly struggled through this insult to puddings, with light criticisms towards the trout. Well he admitted it was a bit dry.

Next day I was in the kitchen and discovered the reason why my guts were filled with chocolate soil. In our poorly equipped kitchen we had no scales. This enterprising young man had made his own ‘weighing scoop’ by cutting the bottom third off a Pringles tube. Voila; an all round 50g scoop. He had even written 50g on it so we could all use it for cooking.

He was an art student and had not heard of density.
(Mon 22nd Sep 2008, 14:38, More)