b3ta.com user pikey
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dark in here

isn't it?

Give leonard Nimoy an Oscar

To the tune of 'blame it on the boogie'

You know nothing makes me madder,
when I'm empting my bladder,
cos you know that I would rather,
not be standing in piss

You might think that I'm a Jesse
But here's no need to be messy
Man has no excuse unless he,
is blind.

Dont piss onto the rooftiles

Dont piss onto the walltiles

Dont piss onto the floortiles

piss into the toilet

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Lies Your Parents Told You

Fog isn't there
Or rather, fog happens when God gets up late in the morning and hasn't finished making the world...the only bit he's bothered with is the bit around to you and a hazy outline will do for all the far away stuff (unless you want to go up to it and then he'll fill it in.)

I quite like this one,as it made me centre of the universe.I still find myself thinking about fog this way.I cant help it.
(Thu 15th Jan 2004, 16:00, More)

» Near Death Experiences

When I was twelve
A guy who lived across the road from our house dragged me into his hallway, locked the door and started beating me with two iron bars about the back and head.After a while he rang up his wife(who had left him that day) and told her that he had me in the house and it was intention to kill me if she didn't come back to him.He fractured my skull and two lower arm bones and completely broke my upper arm bone.I was there four hours.If he hadn't have rang his missus,nobody would have known I was there.

I know it's hardly fluffy and there is no punchline.
(Fri 26th Nov 2004, 13:24, More)

» My Christmas Nightmare

'last christmas' by wham was topping the charts
For once everything came together the way it does on the telly.The paper hats and crackers and all that crap and everyone joining in.(A different house to the previous year where tensions ran so high that we were all convinced our parents would split up there and then.)
This Christmas was great,after our meal the bonhomie was well-nigh uncontainable.'Sing the song you made up' urged my older sisters....'er no' cue Mrs Doyle style chorus of 'Go on Go on'and whatever possessed me to think this was a good idea,I was very young I suppose and everyone was in such good humour I thought it would be alright.
This is the song I sang to the well-known 'wham' tune;
'Last Christmas, Ma and Da had a fight,
and Da called Ma
A dirty old Pox-bottle'

The masks slipped, the fight started all over again.
That was the year I ruined Christmas.
(Tue 4th Jan 2005, 17:14, More)

» Pet Names

Is a wonderful name for a dog.It sounds like 'constable'.So it's perfectly safe and you can shout at it when there is a policeman nearby.."Now,now Constable, you know you cant shit on the pavement!....or Constable! Stop sniffing that bitches arse!
(Wed 25th Feb 2004, 13:53, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Overheard at the cinema
more funny than stupid really
The film was 'Micheal Collins' featuring Liam Neeson and depicting (after its fashion) events in Irish History. When the story got to the part where Micheal Collins was shot- this following conversation was overheard;
A" That's not where Micheal collins was shot !"
B"Isn't it?"
A"No it was just down the road from me ,there's a plaque and a bit of a monument there..."
B"Well they couldn't have filmed it there so"
A"And why not?"
B"If they showed him there now, standing beside that plaque it'd give away the whole ending of the film"
A"I suppose"
(Mon 10th Jan 2005, 12:22, More)
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