You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for Beer Elf:
Profile Info:

Short shouty (unnatural) blonde, from a town near you..
single Mum of two grown-up children, known as "Beer Elf" due to my chosen calling..

Recent front page messages:


none

Best answers to questions:

» Bullies

I wasn't going to post, I can' t add anything that hasn't been said already..
So have a pearoast from a while back, we need more funny...

Bless her...
My elder Sparklet is known for her outspokenness, always has either suffered, or made others suffer for it, but she's a great girl and I'm very proud of her..

She was bullied to hell at her secondary school, there was one yound lad who had decided it was his "Turn" to make her life a misery, which he did, for the rest of the term. Then he was off school with a weird form of bone cancer, resulting in an amputation of one of his arms up to the elbow. During his illness, the school went into overdrive collecting money for him, extolling his virtues as Captain of the school rugby team, top student and all round nice guy, which pissed her off no end, given how he'd treated her. So much so that when the collection came round at parents evening, she asked the collector what the plans were for the funds raised, they replied that they were compiling a list of suggestions, and stood with pens poised.

"How's about half a juggling lesson?" asked my dear daughter, before turning on her heel, marching off and leaving me to deal with it..
(Wed 20th May 2009, 10:20, More)

» World of Random

when he was a little boy
We were walking back from a happy evening spent in the pub, myself, my daughter and my son. We'd had a lovely time, eaten from the barbeque, they'd played on the slides and climbing frames with the other kids, the sun was setting, and we got to talking as we walked.
"I know it's been a bit strange, moving to another school, a new house with only a little garden and all that, but you've both held up really well, and I'm proud of you both"
Both littlies went a bit quiet, then my son tucked his hand into mine and squeezed,as he said "It's OK Mum, in fact it could be a lot worse"
"How's that son?" I asked
"We could live in a potato!" he shouted over his shoulder as he scampered off after his big sister.
(Sun 24th Apr 2011, 10:01, More)

» Buses

Observer of unconsidered trifles...
Since I can't drive, following a driving test/nudity incident that I won't bore you all with, I've had an adventure or two on buses. I offer these for your delectation (Routemasters rock!)...

A smartly dressed gentleman with a huge suitcase asked "'ere, mate is it OK if I bung this in here?" the conductor nodded, and busy with his work he didn't notice the aforementioned gentleman alight from the bus and mount his trusty bicycle in order to follow his luggage on the bus.

I had to laugh as the driver did his level best to speed away from bus stops and traffic lights in a bid to separate the man from his luggage. T'was to no avail though, as the man kept pace without even breaking sweat. Of course the bus crew were powerless to stop the ingenious gent from reclaiming his suitcase at journey's end, he just nipped into the open back, hoicked it out of the rack and went on his way.

On the journey back, I sat upstairs staring idly out of the window when there was a huge commotion on the lower deck. Voices were raised and there was much swearing and a scraping noise. Nosey bint that I am, I ventured down to view the scene.

I had to laugh, there were four men of (I guess) Asian heritage, heaving a huge, flowery sofa onto the bus, to the protests of the conductor, and the driver who had dismounted to join the fray. There was some high quaility arm waving and shouts of "You can't bring that on here!" It was only lack of space that made the amateur movers see sense and remove their furniture. As one of them pointed out "C'mon Dad, where would we put the chairs?"

The 1970's were a much more innocent time..
(Fri 26th Jun 2009, 11:29, More)

» Cringe!

Bless her...
My elder Sparklet is known for her outspokenness, always has either suffered, or made others suffer for it, but she's a great girl and I'm very proud of her..

She was bullied to hell at her secondary school, there was one yound lad who had decided it was his "Turn" to make her life a misery, which he did, for the rest of the term. Then he was off school with a weird form of bone cancer, resulting in an amputation of one of his arms up to the elbow. During his illness, the school went into overdrive collecting money for him, extolling his virtues as Captain of the school rugby team, top student and all round nice guy, which pissed her off no end, given how he'd treated her. So much so that when the collection came round at parents evening, she asked the collector what the plans were for the funds raised, they replied that they were compiling a list of suggestions, and stood with pens poised.

"How's about half a juggling lesson?" asked my dear daughter, before turning on her heel, marching off and leaving me to deal with it..
(Wed 3rd Dec 2008, 10:54, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Toxic Boredom...
I've learned to recognise the signs now, but every now and again, I just go with it, instead of distracting myself. This has lead to -
Turning cartwheels outside work. Work is a pub, on a busy road. The area manager was passing, and so my boss got a call from him, in the middle of the cash and carry, asking if his barmaid was alright...
(after DG's earlier post) Puddle Jumping! always guaranteed to put the smile back on my face, jumping and stomping in the puddles..
Using my UV post-code marker to draw CDCs on all the banknotes in the till.(I thought it'd make the bank staff laugh)
I found the shopping list for the next cash and carry visit, and so added stuff to it like, Weasels (free range for preference) jellies, wellies, and soot. A nice young man. Madeline McCann, and 3 unreleased recordings of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young fighting in the dressing room of the Filmore East. And loads of smiley faces...
Hide and seek, is one of the best things about parenthood. Fact. Trouble is, now my kids have grown up, and are therefore far too sophisticated for a quick game of Hide and Seek when there's nothing on the telly.

My son called me "Gay" the other day, so I just looked slowly up at him and said "Your Mum!"

Edit:- I am 43, you know...
(Fri 18th Sep 2009, 20:56, More)
[read all their answers]