b3ta.com user Jadeviper
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Best invention ever - moustache finger tattoos.

Find me on Facebook

This is important and not to be forgotten:
I hereby grant thee a go on my future chainsaw, in 12-15 months time.


(Malaka * * * will win b3ta fantasy football, Sun 5 Aug 2007, 23:50, Ignore, Hide, I like this! Reply)

Easty wrote this song for me:

Oh, Jadeviper
Her real name is Vikki
I could call her either
As I'm not that picky

She's Scottish and lovely
And has two young daughters
And I hope that she'll hug me
(And maybe do naughties)

Easty Solzhenitsyn is my bishie, Sat 24 Mar 2007, 23:05

Lord Otterby made this picture of me:

Versatile Individual Keen on Killing and Infiltration

Get Your Cyborg
Oops... I took a pair of kitchen scissors and cut all my hair off

Pics from the Oxford bash, February 2006!!

What a lovely pic BTTAT took of me and Druid at the Oxford bash :D

Dekazer, me and Icklepeach at Dekazer's Burns' Supper January 25th 2006

Hurrah! I re-took the nerd test and I've gone down a point, and therefore a category :D

I am nerdier than 89% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

Proud member of the animal name's club

Mykey made me a Top Trumps card at last! (but I had to fix it a little)

It seems I've inspired Baldmonkey. He's drawn a picture of me too...

Well I reckon the 3dinbash was better than the Oxford one. Mykey didn't reply to my texts, but Malchick did to say he'd been pictured licking my marzipan bits. Hurrah! Anyway. 3dinbash pics.

B3tnik pics 11/06/05 on The Meadows in Edinburgh.

I'm one of the sexy voices behind Orgasmatones! Personalised orgasmic ringtones, also in association with Ron Jeremy Mobile.

You are .gif Sometimes you are animated, but usually you just sit there and look pretty.
Which File Extension are You?

Led Zeppelin
Classic rock! Without you the other genres
wouldn't exist! You are the raw and original
sound of rock! Other genres may try to imitate
your rawness, but they can never be like you!

What genre of rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

poems about me

Another poem about me, this one by Uncle Dill

Vikki Spence
had no sense
sold herself for
fifty pence

The ratbag and the gannet - my two gorgeous daughters.

Ooooh uber-cuteness :)

Well this is scarily accurate...
You are blogger.com You give people a voice.  Many people wish you would just shut up. You just want to be loved. You are a vegetarian.
Which Website are You?

What's nu-clear, woah-oh-woah-oh-WOAH-oh
Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?
A Rum and Monkey joint.
I lost all my frontpage images when jadeviper.org died :( Ahh well. I still have them somewhere...

Recent front page messages:

morning all
this didn't half scare me when I opened my Kinder egg...

This started off as a different pic, so that's actually the ratbag with Borg stuff on.
(Mon 21st Jul 2003, 9:09, More)

morning all
have a bouncy dolphin

Edit: wooooooo!!! two frontpages in two days! : ) I'm on a roll!
(Tue 25th Mar 2003, 10:02, More)

Maurice felt
that living up a tree was no excuse for not dressing for dinner.

(Sun 23rd Mar 2003, 11:15, More)

I was going to leave this till later
but it's not as quiet as I thought. Bovine requested more, so here's another one.

(Sat 1st Mar 2003, 9:05, More)

the hedgekitten
was just too cute to live.

(Mon 27th Jan 2003, 15:35, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Overcoming adversity

In March 2012 I was diagnosed with cancer.
Two anxious months of tests and waiting, at each appointment expecting to get a treatment plan, and instead unexpected results requiring another round of tests. Had extensive surgery on 30th May, and an all-clear in June. First of five years of follow-up appointments was in October, few more tests as things not looking quite right, but thankfully just issues with healing from the surgery (which could take another six months to complete).

The cancer I had was very aggressive and fast-growing. It's nearly Christmas, and I am alive to enjoy it with my family.
(Fri 14th Dec 2012, 22:43, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

worst things that have happened to my bits mostly happened when I was failing to give birth to my first baby
I'd gone overdue so I was taken in to be induced. by the third day they figured out that the reason I was screaming in pain every time they did an internal exam to see if I was dilating yet was that I am allergic to latex. with vinyl gloves they discovered I was still only 1cm dilated (and that was from a 6'5 doctor with HUGE hands sticking his finger into my cervix and twisting it) so they decided to break my waters. As that's not usually done until at least 3cm dilation, I was given gas and air because IT FUCKING HURT! It was a walk in the park though compared to about nine hours later having to have an electronic monitor attached to my daughter's head through the 1cm gap. It took about 45 minutes and I passed out several times from the pain.

In the end I had an emergency caesarean, so all that pain and blood was for nothing.
(Tue 18th Jul 2006, 13:41, More)

» Running away

My sister ran away from home when she was about four years old
She packed a toy suitcase full of toys and left. She got as far as the end of the road and stopped. She wasn't allowed to cross the road on her own.

Another time she "ran away" when she was about ten years old, my mum had the police out and everything. Eventually they found her in the shed.
(Fri 11th Aug 2006, 20:07, More)

» Putting the Fun in Funeral

I suppose it's not that funny
but at my mum's birth mother's funeral (she'd become a nun and my mum had traced her a few years before her death) we were in the main car with her brothers, who'd had no idea about my mum until the funeral itself. At the cemetary I was last to get into the car, but the driver started moving when I was halfway in, so there I was half-hopping, half being dragged long by a funeral car full of strangers, shouting to the driver who couldn't hear me through the glass partition. Thankfully one of the occupants chapped on the glass and the driver stopped. It really broke the ice though as everyone had a laugh and got to talking about how my mum had come along - it seems her mother had told her family she'd gone to have her appendix out. The eldest brother looked my mum up and down and said with a laugh, "some appendix!"
(Fri 12th May 2006, 14:01, More)

» Happy 10th Birthday B3ta

Ahhh, the olden days...
I resisted signing up to b3ta for a long time... I read the /board, subscribed to the newsletter, but it wasn't until the full-on boredom of being a stay-at-home-mum in winter in a city where I knew no-one was getting too much to bear that I finally succumbed and registered. 8 years, 10 months ago. I have to say, b3ta kept me sane. I learnt to 'shop and earned a wee bit extra money producing a few print adverts as well as tackling such favourite old memes as Furtive and Fluffy, That Bastard Nohands, THEFEAR and a damn good spong. Bashes were the highlight of my social calendar, and having looked through the old photos that have recently surfaced, they were good times.

I miss this place. I've been back a few times to /talk but I don't have the hours and hours and hours to just sit here any more. I do hope you're still around in my retirement when I've nothing better to do than hit small children with my walking stick, push in to the front of queues and shout CUNT at passers-by.
(Wed 14th Sep 2011, 15:14, More)
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