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www.batteriesfeelincluded.com
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My stories about everything:
www.batteriesfeelincluded.com
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» Cringe!
Bus Bus Bus
I was sitting on a bus, on my way to see that dancing baby all the papers were talking about. We pulled up at a stop and a man got on. His trousers were too big, or his legs were too small. The bus must have been early, because the driver didn't pull away for three more minutes, and in those moments it all went wrong.
The sun had already set. As I glanced out of the window I saw a girl just standing there. She wasn't getting on the bus. I wondered to myself where she was going. I knew that the 81a came through this way, but she seemed like too nice a girl for that neck of the woods. I must have been staring for too long, because our eyes met, and she smiled. Instinctively I readjusted my focus to see my reflection in the window. She wasn't smiling because I had something on my face. She was smiling because we'd had a moment, like something from an advert.
As the doors of the bus closed, signalling it was time to go, she raised her hand to her mouth and then down again. She was blowing me a kiss! I did the only thing I could have done. I caught the kiss and put it in my shirt pocket. When she raised her hand to her mouth for a second time I saw something I hadn't noticed before; the cigarette. She was only smoking. It was the worst thing ever.
(Tue 2nd Dec 2008, 12:32, More)
Bus Bus Bus
I was sitting on a bus, on my way to see that dancing baby all the papers were talking about. We pulled up at a stop and a man got on. His trousers were too big, or his legs were too small. The bus must have been early, because the driver didn't pull away for three more minutes, and in those moments it all went wrong.
The sun had already set. As I glanced out of the window I saw a girl just standing there. She wasn't getting on the bus. I wondered to myself where she was going. I knew that the 81a came through this way, but she seemed like too nice a girl for that neck of the woods. I must have been staring for too long, because our eyes met, and she smiled. Instinctively I readjusted my focus to see my reflection in the window. She wasn't smiling because I had something on my face. She was smiling because we'd had a moment, like something from an advert.
As the doors of the bus closed, signalling it was time to go, she raised her hand to her mouth and then down again. She was blowing me a kiss! I did the only thing I could have done. I caught the kiss and put it in my shirt pocket. When she raised her hand to her mouth for a second time I saw something I hadn't noticed before; the cigarette. She was only smoking. It was the worst thing ever.
(Tue 2nd Dec 2008, 12:32, More)
» School Days
Piss
In 1992, during a nativity play rehearsal, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the stage. I laughed. I followed the trail of urine with my eyes and soon discovered that it led to my very own leg. I was thrown off the stage and made to wear rubber trousers for the rest of the day.
(Sun 1st Feb 2009, 22:25, More)
Piss
In 1992, during a nativity play rehearsal, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the stage. I laughed. I followed the trail of urine with my eyes and soon discovered that it led to my very own leg. I was thrown off the stage and made to wear rubber trousers for the rest of the day.
(Sun 1st Feb 2009, 22:25, More)
» School Days
Clarse Inspection
Back in infant school a large quantity of human faeces was discovered on a seat in my classroom. It had appeared between the start and end of morning play time. At first it was believed to be belong to a girl named Tanya, who had been sitting in the seat all morning. After some questioning and a smelling she was declared innocent.
Within minutes we were all evacuated from the classroom and made to wait in the assembly hall. As we stood around, we were joined by every other pupil in the school, from nursery to J4. After some verbal instructions from the music teacher, Mrs Price, we formed a giant queue.
One by one, children were led into a room. The only other time we had lined up and entered this room was during some vaccination thing. Were they injecting the children? Were we being put to death because of the unexplained shit? No, it was far far worse.
After many minutes of waiting, I was led into the room. This time there was no mother to greet me and tell me not to be scared. There was no friendly nurse to give me a sweet and say "This won't hurt". There was just one man; Mr Bennett. Mr Bennett the headmaster. I feared this man. For some reason he was still allowed to hit the children during assembly, even though this was the 90s. He never hit me, but I was always worried that he would for no reason. Then my teacher entered the room. She said: "Anthony, drop your trousers and bend over" Was I about to meet my end? Was Mr Bennett about to go Pulp Fiction on my pale six year old ass? Sadly no, it was something far more degrading. Being young and confused I did so without question. After a lot of thought, I've decided that if someone was to ask me the same question today, I would be less obliging. So my trousers were down and then it happened.
My teacher and the headmaster began to pat my buttocks and smell my poor bum. I doubt that I found any of it very strange at the time, but years of running it through my head may have done me some serious mental harm. I even remember what underwear I was wearing, my only pair of boxer shorts. They were white and had a brown cartoon dog on them. I passed the test. My bum was clean and I was no longer a suspect in the great ass inspection of 91. I pulled up my trousers and left as if nothing had happened.
(Thu 5th Feb 2009, 17:39, More)
Clarse Inspection
Back in infant school a large quantity of human faeces was discovered on a seat in my classroom. It had appeared between the start and end of morning play time. At first it was believed to be belong to a girl named Tanya, who had been sitting in the seat all morning. After some questioning and a smelling she was declared innocent.
Within minutes we were all evacuated from the classroom and made to wait in the assembly hall. As we stood around, we were joined by every other pupil in the school, from nursery to J4. After some verbal instructions from the music teacher, Mrs Price, we formed a giant queue.
One by one, children were led into a room. The only other time we had lined up and entered this room was during some vaccination thing. Were they injecting the children? Were we being put to death because of the unexplained shit? No, it was far far worse.
After many minutes of waiting, I was led into the room. This time there was no mother to greet me and tell me not to be scared. There was no friendly nurse to give me a sweet and say "This won't hurt". There was just one man; Mr Bennett. Mr Bennett the headmaster. I feared this man. For some reason he was still allowed to hit the children during assembly, even though this was the 90s. He never hit me, but I was always worried that he would for no reason. Then my teacher entered the room. She said: "Anthony, drop your trousers and bend over" Was I about to meet my end? Was Mr Bennett about to go Pulp Fiction on my pale six year old ass? Sadly no, it was something far more degrading. Being young and confused I did so without question. After a lot of thought, I've decided that if someone was to ask me the same question today, I would be less obliging. So my trousers were down and then it happened.
My teacher and the headmaster began to pat my buttocks and smell my poor bum. I doubt that I found any of it very strange at the time, but years of running it through my head may have done me some serious mental harm. I even remember what underwear I was wearing, my only pair of boxer shorts. They were white and had a brown cartoon dog on them. I passed the test. My bum was clean and I was no longer a suspect in the great ass inspection of 91. I pulled up my trousers and left as if nothing had happened.
(Thu 5th Feb 2009, 17:39, More)
» School Days
A Sad Day For Most
It was a hot summers day in J2, Year 4 or whatever they call it these days. Darren, Carl, Rhys and I, were sitting at our round table. It is important for you to know that Darren was the "hardest" in the class, a title which is always respected by children at such a young age. Not only that, but Darren was the hardest in the entire school, meaning that the two year groups above us could not produce a possible contender to fight the mighty Darren and live to tell the tale. It is rare to find a boy of such power, I can only imagine it was a gift from God to make up for Darren's below par brain.
Whilst we chatted, the conversation slowly turned to blow jobs and other things of that nature, as it often did. It is also important for you to know that Carl was the weakest boy in the class, a title which brought terrible consequences. Out of nowhere, Darren came up with an idea "I want a blow job". I imagine that I replied with something along the lines of "Don't we all Darren, don't we all" and went back to my work.
The conversation moved on from blow jobs, and onto something less sexual, probably cars. Minutes later, Darren spoke again "I want a blow job. Carl, give me a blow job". We all laughed, all except for Darren, who had an air of seriousness about him that was not often seen. "Carl, suck my fucking cock" said Darren with real meaning and passion.
"No " said Carl "don't be gay".
"Fucking do it, Carl" replied Darren. Carl looked at him and then looked at me as if to say: "Come on, Anthony, sort him out, he's being ridiculous."
There was nothing I could do, after all, Darren was the hardest boy in the school. And so it went, Carl got under the table to meet Darrens already bare cock and began to suck. It was a horrible sight, one which me and Rhys, and of course Carl, will never forget.
Suddenly, Rhys got an idea: "Carl, suck my fucking cock", he yelped, and so, Carl did, seeing as he was already down there, but not for long, for Darren once again uttered the infamous words "Carl, suck my fucking cock". Happy with what he got, Rhys did not complain, knowing that he could not challenge Darren the alpha male.
Personally, I did not want a young boy sucking my cock, so I did not ask, but I did gather the rest of the class, who all crowded around the table. The teacher, Mr Edwards, saw what was happening and came over to the table and shouted at Darren. That was it, no punishment, no "go to the headmaster's office" no suspension, just a "Stop it". The bell rang and we all went to lunch.
(Sun 1st Feb 2009, 1:19, More)
A Sad Day For Most
It was a hot summers day in J2, Year 4 or whatever they call it these days. Darren, Carl, Rhys and I, were sitting at our round table. It is important for you to know that Darren was the "hardest" in the class, a title which is always respected by children at such a young age. Not only that, but Darren was the hardest in the entire school, meaning that the two year groups above us could not produce a possible contender to fight the mighty Darren and live to tell the tale. It is rare to find a boy of such power, I can only imagine it was a gift from God to make up for Darren's below par brain.
Whilst we chatted, the conversation slowly turned to blow jobs and other things of that nature, as it often did. It is also important for you to know that Carl was the weakest boy in the class, a title which brought terrible consequences. Out of nowhere, Darren came up with an idea "I want a blow job". I imagine that I replied with something along the lines of "Don't we all Darren, don't we all" and went back to my work.
The conversation moved on from blow jobs, and onto something less sexual, probably cars. Minutes later, Darren spoke again "I want a blow job. Carl, give me a blow job". We all laughed, all except for Darren, who had an air of seriousness about him that was not often seen. "Carl, suck my fucking cock" said Darren with real meaning and passion.
"No " said Carl "don't be gay".
"Fucking do it, Carl" replied Darren. Carl looked at him and then looked at me as if to say: "Come on, Anthony, sort him out, he's being ridiculous."
There was nothing I could do, after all, Darren was the hardest boy in the school. And so it went, Carl got under the table to meet Darrens already bare cock and began to suck. It was a horrible sight, one which me and Rhys, and of course Carl, will never forget.
Suddenly, Rhys got an idea: "Carl, suck my fucking cock", he yelped, and so, Carl did, seeing as he was already down there, but not for long, for Darren once again uttered the infamous words "Carl, suck my fucking cock". Happy with what he got, Rhys did not complain, knowing that he could not challenge Darren the alpha male.
Personally, I did not want a young boy sucking my cock, so I did not ask, but I did gather the rest of the class, who all crowded around the table. The teacher, Mr Edwards, saw what was happening and came over to the table and shouted at Darren. That was it, no punishment, no "go to the headmaster's office" no suspension, just a "Stop it". The bell rang and we all went to lunch.
(Sun 1st Feb 2009, 1:19, More)