» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Probably a couple of wife related things
Waiting until her hair was well and truly shampooed up in the shower, then creeping in while she had her eyes closed washing it out.

I recommend everyone try this (use your own wife or girlfriend). Went right up to the bath and put my face about 1 inch from her nose and just stayed there. The terrified screamy face clutching when she opened her eyes was fulsome, protracted, and like some sort of 50s B movie trailer depicted by Edward Munch. Awesome.

Another time I also laughed so hard I nearly pissed myself, we were walking with friends to a pub, holding hands. She was walking backwards briefly talking to someone behind. So I maintained our path - mine, clear; hers, blocked by a BT phonebox. What I couldn't have planned was that she would turn round to resume walking forwards at the exact moment we reached the phonebox and splat, insect-like against the perspex.

These things will probably cease being funny if I accidentally hurt her one day, but she's been ok so far.
(Fri 18th Sep 2009, 13:29, More)

» School Days

This is possibly the geekiest story ever.
Probably my happiest time at school was just pre GCSEs. I'd left behind a mediocre circle of largely very nice, but football obsessed, friends (doesn't do it for me) and managed to fall in with the clever kids. Our school was pretty weird as somehow, through unerring decency, friendliness and wit, the cleverest chappy in our year also happened to be one of the most popular. Cue not an awful lot to worry about and plenty of time to get on with enjoyment of learning and creativity without fear of reprisal.

So anyway two of my best friends, remaining so to this day, in that group were gregarious popular erudite Matt (above), and introverted, ludicrously clever Dave. We're talking like rocket science clever. We got heavily into writing games together, me taking more of a lead on the art, design and music side of things but doing the odd bit of coding and Dave dealing with the meat.

This is back in the early days of Pentuim processors and latter days of good old MS-DOS. So we were mostly coding in Qbasic because it was all we had, but one day Dave turned up with a little assembly language program that swapped two numbers around and added them together. Next day he turned up with a fully fledged sound driver. Now we had power.

The next day's program was effectively a virus. A little program you ran that stayed memory resident in DOS and every time a key was pressed there was a 1 in 10 chance it would print something abusive at you on the screen. So I leant Dave my extensive collection of .TXT pr0n about comic book charactes (told it was geeky). This was promply incorporated into the program and it was installed on every PC in the department. Reams of filth everywhere when anyone tried to type something. Brilliant.

Over a few weeks we developed our masterpiece. A DOS program that counted up in Dave's voice (slightly sped up):

"Its the ONE! head dwarf. Its the TWOO head dwarf. Its the THREE head dwarf" etc. up to around the point where something went wrong with the numbers which I think was in the region of 360,000

It was deployed one lunchtime across every PC in the room and they were left to chorus to perplexed pupils and teachers.

Mmm large scale geeky bafflement goodness.

No punch line. Am I meant to have one?
(Fri 30th Jan 2009, 17:03, More)

» Real-life slapstick

It's a semi-pea!
I used it before in another question but this is my favourite slapstick thing that I've witnessed. And I made it happen *prouds*.

My wife and I were walking with friends to a pub, holding hands. She was walking backwards briefly, talking to someone behind. So I maintained our path - mine, clear; hers, blocked by a BT phonebox. What I couldn't have planned was that she would turn round to resume walking forwards at the exact moment we reached the phonebox and splat, insect-like against the perspex.
(Thu 21st Jan 2010, 12:46, More)

» Old stuff I still know

Pretty much
Every fatality from Mortal Kombats 1 & 2. Not exactly redundant but pretty pointless.

B,F,D,F LP (close)
(Fri 1st Jul 2011, 9:15, More)

» The Soundtrack of your Life

For every gut-wrenching, angsty, non-relationship I've had there is an album:
Girl 1: Airbag / How Am I Driving - Radiohead
Girl 2: X / O - Elliot Smith
Girl 3: Cousteau - Cousteau
Girl 4: Black Holes and Revelations - Muse

I have trouble listening to all of them now because they take my mind back to that crazy obsessed place it was inevitably in at one point or another, although I'm completely over the relationship and any issues, because they sound tracked my emotions at the time of each. The only thing that's more evocative is when you catch the smell of a past love or obsession randomly on the breeze.

There is no album for the girl I married. I don't know whether that's a good or bad thing.
(Fri 29th Jan 2010, 12:26, More)