» Siblings

Not a funny sibling story
Warning: This story is not that funny

I have a brother, younger by 4 1/2 years and when we were young he adored me. I was his hero. He followed me about like a lost puppy and hung on every word I said.

And I absolutely hated it.

I was a total twat to my poor (and much) younger brother pounding him for even the most mundane of reasons (he was there; his head smelled funny) and woe betide when he accidentally did something wrong - as badly coordinated youngsters are prone to doing.

I even gave him his first nose bleed. When he was annoying me at a dinner party I hurled a nectarine at full pelt 1 meter from his large stinky face and hit him square on the conk (in front of about 15 startled guests).

In my defense, I was having a tough time at school; people were making my life a misery and so I would cowardly retaliate on someone weaker than me rather than deal with the situation.

I think that when I was 16 and older I was much nicer to him: My pride swells when we played 7-a-side footy together and took him for his first pint (him aged 14/15 of course), conspiring against an annoying stepfather, sharing tactics on Championship Manager (but not playing together; that would have been suicidal on his part)

But we just don't have a close sibling relationship - I see my fiancee and her sister and how close they are and I am frankly very jealous. And I have to admit, it's all my own fault.

My New Year Resolution is to take my bro out for a few beers and try to make a drunken (but totally honest) apology for my behaviour of 15 years ago. This isn't the first time I've made this promise and I've chickened out every time. I think that this is the thing that I am most ashamed of in my past because it is most unforgivable - to turn someone who loved me unconditionally into virtually a stranger.


Sorry for lack of funnies, and kudos for trawling through my "woe is me" attention-seeking-of-internet-strangers post.


Click 'I like this' if you think I should get pummeled by the World's Strongest Man as penance for my sins.
(Fri 26th Dec 2008, 3:58, More)

» I'm going to Hell...

I'm a bad bad person
My dad had his 50th birthday party at his church hall - I guess he got good rates or something being great mates with the vicar.

So my brother and I were charged with helping the setting up. We needed to get some extra seating and so headed into the church to get some (the church had nice comfy seats rather than the puritanical pews most traditional churches go for).

However, as these chairs were rarely moved they had been fastened together, which my brother and I were unaware of. So when we tried to pick one up the whole row of about 30 chairs came tumbling after. "B8LL8CKS" says I "FCUK" screams my bro.

Then we paused waiting for our smiting. Obviously that I am able to write this story shows God was feeling more devious this day.

After setting up the hall for our beloved father and our Good Deed making us feel all warm and fuzzy, my bro, his girlfriend and I did what any other normal late-teens-early-20s would do when faced with an evening faced with having to meet old family friends and stories of being *this* big last I was seen: We downed a bottle of Smirnoff and smoked a few biftas.

We were feeling rather cheerful when, upon arriving at the party we discovered no one was drinking the wine or any of the other free booze we had laid out only a few hours previously. So we had that away as well.

So there we were steaming drunk (amongst other things) in the church hall - maybe it would be best if we were to keep our heads down??

Nope - I try to start a fight with one of my Dad's best mates.

I think I feel most guilty that I left early, but I think it was definitely for the best.

You might think the length is extreme - but eternity in hell is longer :(
(Fri 12th Dec 2008, 1:03, More)