» I'm going to Hell...

I feel like I'm pretty much in hell already...
My GF of ten years left me at the beginning of this year (2008). We kind of grew apart and realised we wanted different things. For one thing, she wanted to return to her home country, and I didn't want to go there...

I took this philosophically at the time, but I guess it hit me harder than I realised.

It would have been easier to cope with the breakup if I could turn to my best friend for support and advice. But he'd died suddenly and very unexpectedly three months earlier, so I couldn't.

Around March, my old man got seriously ill, was diagnosed with unstable angina and suffered a heart attack. He was seriously weakened and needed a lot of support that my mum couldn't give him, as she's not in the best of health herself and has a dodgy hip.

I started commuting, by train, over to parents several times a week - for I live & work in a different city - and helping out with basics like shopping and cleaning. The travelling alone took up six hours of my day and combined with a full-time job, it all left me utterly knackered.

I slid into depression. And started drinking far too much far too often.

I was signed off work for a bit, but stopped seeing the doctor eventually as it didn't seem to be doing anything. I just want to unplug the phone - not a problem now, as that's been disconected for non-payment - draw the curtains and sleep forever...

Just to add the icing to the cake, three weeks ago my mum had a heart attack, was hospitalised, got an infection in hospital, but thank God survived and is now out. She'll never be the same as she was, just like the old man.

They're both starting to look very, very old and I doubt they'll last long...

Last week a very good friend, probably my best friend now that the bloke I spoke of earlier is dead, decided they were tired of life, took a metric shitload of prescription painkillers and was tired no longer.

Due to my extended absence, I'm on the very brink of losing my job while the country is on the downslope of a major recession. It doesn't look hopeful.

All in all, it's been a shitehouse year.

I forget which bespectacled, probably beret-wearing French philosopher said it, but I'm starting to agree with the lad:

Perhaps the Earth is some other planet's hell?
(Wed 17th Dec 2008, 1:32, More)