» School Days

School was not a fun time
Ok so..

Right before my Maths exam at GCSE level I got shat on by a feking pigeon, literally as we are walking in so I could do anything about it.

I made a profit out of making fake pokemon cards, beating youngens with my superior powers and then trading the cards I'd won for cash from the little kids who live near me. My best incarnation was shitapoo, people went crazy over this card and ate it up so to speak.

In year 7 a friend of mine, bit of a pikey, had stolen 2 carrier bags full of porn, either from a shop or from his dad, but there was some dirty dirty stuff in there... we deposited about 20 mags in several lockers over the school premises and sold them for a pound a mag, I think by the time we were done my friend and I were an easy 40 quid each, a lot of money when you are 13...

I used to sit next to a girl in maths, one of the ones who decided at 15 she would fuck 20+ yr old guys, she proceeded for the next year to tell me in graphic details about her exploits to try embarrass me or turn me on... needless to say now she is a munting 20st beast who's been pregnant more times than I have been flamed on this forum...

A girl once asked me when she was 13 if when you play with some1's penis is something supposed to pop out of the end of is that weird.

The best story has to be when you have the occasionally tutor class with your local bobby..

I think my class were around 14.... The chat went some thing like this..

PC Plod: So kids I want to talk about drugs, can any of you name a drug..

Girl 1: Cocaine
Boy 1: Heroin
Boy 2: Ecstasy

PC Plod: Does anyone know any street terms for these drugs

Friend 1: Smack, whiz, Charlie, ket, coke, sniff, billy, blow,....

Me: Ganja, dope, weed, skunk, hash, K, E'z, jack and jills, scag, Harry monk etc...

PC Plod: ........ (dumbstruck)
Form tutor.......... (red-faced)

Friend: Shall we continue?


Needless to say from that point forward we were kept under a watchful eye most lunchtimes... until 6th form when the teachers used to share joints with us...
(Thu 29th Jan 2009, 17:10, More)

» The Credit Crunch

I think im slowly gaining through the "crunch"
Im 23 (1st time poster long time reader) and moved back home about a year ago, so far my overheads are minimal and my job is secure. I work for a law firm, so the more problems every other business experiences the more business we get.... My other half works in insolvency so the more people go bankrupt the more work she does... Ive recently discovered that the credit crunch is affecting sales within a different devision of the company, its affected it so much that my mistress had to pay £300 for the exec suite in a 5* hotel rather than take it out of expenses... Oh the credit crunch, how it makes affairs more expensive.... (the me benfiting is because she pays for the room as her salary is quadruple mine)


On a side note, I dont pay gas, I dont pay electric, I dont pay water or rent... I just get pay rises and job hop gaining 25% per new posting, the credit crunch is forcing me to lie to perspective employers about my current salary so I gain a nice golden handshake in my first pay cheque.

Ive recently found that in the period of recession I have become somewhat of a rare comodity, my work skill set as versatile as it is not only makes me the object of many companys attention but also forces my employers hand into renogiating me salary rather than risk losing me to competitors...

So better salary, fucking the head of european sales in 5* hotels free of charge and generally having a responsibility free life.... god bless the credit crunch


I do have one gripe tho, I have only recently started working in the big city so the jump from lunch feasts for £3.00 at home to sub standard and minimalistic offerings for £7+ for the same meal have somewhat thrown me out a bit... God damn London... Making it worse I started working here when people used the credit crunch as a gimmic, so I would be hunting for a good eatery and attracted by the sign reading "Credit Crunch Lunch" only to discover its 3 squid rings and a tiny bit of salad for £7.50.... I can take the mrs out for happy meal 3 nights a week for that....
(Wed 28th Jan 2009, 14:15, More)