» What nonsense did you believe in as a kid?

Playground full of herpes
When I was younger my Dad used to let me watch snippets of the Harry Enfield show if I had behaved myself. I thought it was hilarious, and at Christmas couple of years later, in one of those 'Homer buying Marge a bowling ball' type present purchase decisions, I got him (via mum) a Harry Enfield 1997 video (the yellow one with 'Kevin' on the front for those that remember).

At some point on Christmas/Boxing Day family gather round to watch it. Several sketches in and all are having fun, until the sketch where 'Wayne & Waynetta' win the lottery appears. In it they are asked what they will do with their winnings and Wayne replies 'get my herpes cured'. I did not know what herpes was. I asked my parents. I am told, probably after much squirming looking back, it is 'bad breath'. This accepted we watch the rest of the video, eat chocolate etc.

Return to school post holidays, and I can't remember the exact happening, but at some point in the throes of playground name-calling, I accuse someone of having 'herpes', which I explain means awful garlic breath. Circa a week later and 'herpes' is now part of the standard 12 yr old vocabulary alongside 'gay', 'knobcheese' et al. At some point after this, the inevitable teacher involvement occurs after the remark is overheard. Cue mass bollocking but luckily I was never revealed to be the original source. Much hilarity at the teacher trying to explain the true meaning of the word. In short we were insulting each other, just not in the way we thought, but it still makes me smile.
(Thu 19th Jan 2012, 20:38, More)

» School Naughtiness

The Object of Homo
When I was in year 6 we were in a lesson one day, when a personalised pen was found (pen that had the owners name printed onto it).
The name on it was that of a fairly 'nerdy/square/spoddy/insert relevant term for unpopular kid from your youth, from the year above.
Over the course of the lesson, this pen no longer was a writing implement, but took on a new identity.
Somehow we contrived that anyone who touched the pen was 'gay', and therefore the pen was chucked between us and much hilarity ensued.

The pen became the 'object of homo', and a game that occupied us for the next 6 months was born.


Rules;

Whoever touched the pen last (later any agreed object after the original was lost) when the ball rang was deemed 'gay', and would be mocked as such until the next 'winner' was found.
Later this evolved into league tables etc to decide who would be crowned 'lesbian seagull' (don't ask) at the end of term.

Surely this would just mean you play for the five minutes immediately before the bell you ask? Risky, as the beauty was that our school rang a 'caretaker bell' to summon said to reception. These were a wildcard and so ensured a fairly frenetic pace all day, in every lesson. Even history with the nasty teacher.

The ruleset evolved over time, so much so that we had a rulebook. which all parties had to agree on, and was consulted and modified as debatable incidents occurred.

Homework diaries were immune, so you could bat the object away, but otherwise any part of you or your clothes counted. Common tactic was to battle near the fence next to the (out of bounds) park, score a hit then try to scoop the object into the field with your homework diary, meaning an unrescuable loss for the victim.
Alliances were made and broken, with more skullduggery than you'd find in the House of Commons (the pinnacle of such was when a fake pen lid was used for a whole day with 2 participants unaware, until it was revealed the real object was one of their pockets until lunch and the other guys after, and they had amassed a weighty haul of gay points).

The final week shoot out led to a fight, and we all got failry shite reports that year so it died over the summer and only made sporadic returns the next term. Great 6 months or so though.

I was pretty cool at school.
(Wed 14th Sep 2011, 20:57, More)