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» Nativity Plays

Combined 80's electro me thinks
Ahh the nativity play.

Well I had two bizzare parts. I shall begin with the first.

Now in my school we didnt audition, we got told what we were going to be. Every one wanted to be a traditional character including myself, but no.

My first part was that of a toy robot, yes a toy robot. This consisted of me in a giant cardboard box covered in foil. Now as it came to the play I did a lot of sitting around all I did was eat the foil that was right by my mouth well I couldnt twiddle my thumbs, my hands could not physically touch, such was the size of the box.

But to be fair it was a toy robot and had some meaning to christmas. But my second role had absolutely no bearing to the nativity or christmas what so ever well for a child anyway.

Now remember that song Saturday Night by Whigfield, youtube it if you don't, hell just youtube it anyway.

Doesn't really have that christmas feel does it.

And so to my part, there were three others beside myself and yes you guessed it we in the nativity were dancers, yes Dancers with a full routine.

But being the extroverted little shite I was, I loved it, the others didn't but I did.
So on the performance night I was so excited. We got up on the stage and I was on the end and as my mother recalls rather embarrasingly I was doing the routine with great enthuiasm which wasn't shared by the other children.

Now the only promblem was they were dancing in complete sync while i was well, completely absorbed and had erm shall we say gone off the track somewhat but I do remember having a whale of a time.

So all in all it had nothing to do with christmas but it put me in christmas cheer all right.

A little note by bastard brother got to be father christmas but my poor little sister instead of being an angel whcich would have been perfect sweet thin and blonde she ended up being a sheep.

baa for now.
(Sat 28th Mar 2009, 3:57, More)

» School Days

Google Images and Safesearch
Well it was me and my mate Dave again, unfortunately this time it was in IT. We didnt do work, we mucked around on the internet mainly playing the daft green helicopter game if I remember rightly. Anyway we were both at that age of wanking but being extremely immature, its only now even as engaged that I know we always remain that way. so what do we do LOOK FOR PORN. It restricted every porn website you can think of, all restricted. but one day i was fumbling around google images and found the safesearch feature, i duly changed to do not filter anything, and i typed in SEX and would you believe, sex before my eyes. I inform Dave then we set about the task of making a porn collage in word. I did about three, anyway its all fine for months. Then Dave left for pastures new. Again I was fine for a month or two until one day my teacher wanted to see what work I had done, Bugger all was the answer. I had two documents on my file. DOC 1 n some shit about IT. Doc 1 was the pornart collage. so let me describe the room long rectangular with all computers round the perimeter Im at the back, trust me. anyway my teachers marches up to see what I'done and her immortal words whilst i was trying to escape the room was 'What's this Doc 1' closely followed by the bellowing gasp of shock and every pupil flipping there head around at seeing my teacher in front of my computer starin at about a 100 different lesbins on Word then all eyes fixed on me.

I laugh now but fuck me was that painful, I wanted the world to swallow me up but don't despair for there was no punishment as I blamed it all on Dave.
(Wed 4th Feb 2009, 2:08, More)

» School Days

So a little bit embarrasing...
I should't tell but I will.

Basically it was the day of school before parents evening (the worst nights of my life). Basically this involved all my teachers delightfully telling my mum what a wanker I was, thus home time and a few clips round the ear and so on. Anyway it was lunch when me and my mate Dave* decided to bunk off, it was a last minute thing and we had to discover the best tactic of sneaking out of school when everyone was gone. Anyway I needed the toilet only there wasn't any toilets only Scumpits. So off we went, we sneak off to the other playground round the sportshall and behind this really long and short wall. Anyway we had to squat down and be on the lookout. 15 minutes later i'm dying for a shit, I have to go. So I had to tell my mate to turn around I whip down my trousers have a shite, look in my bag for some A4 paper and I'm done. So we decide we have to move now coz I don't wanna get caught and being in trouble for having a shit behind a wall. So we start moving then just behind the gates theres the schoolfield and then Mrs Sainsburys class had just come on she sees us. THANK THE LORD i was quick, anyway we dart out of a broken fence and we both run different ways. Muggins here decides to run across around a Mile of field while my mate slips down the backway. So here I am running across the worst schoolfield in history, I run past the older schoollads playin football, Mr Twatface orders one of the lads to catch me. Oh Fuck im gonna get caught and there gonna know it was me who had a shit, No No No, well I'm caught up pretty fast but it was someone I knew he told me to bloody run as fast as I can and then i run and hide in this bush anyway I try find my way past this bush, when I see a garden and a pair of legs six feet away with a Fuckin Baseball bat, he calls for his dog, so I have to sprint all the way round whereever the hell I am, and run around the front of this guys house, I see him hitting the bush with his bat and run off in a direction which wasn't mine. Anyway I finally arrive home and mum doesnt Know anything yet, which is fine with me. Anyway I'm dreading school the rest of the afternoon/early evening we get there and nothing is said at all, all night. I've gotten away with it I thought then came along mrs Sainsburys, My head of Year I think oh fuck this is gonna be bad. but they just told my mum i was bunking. When I got home she shouted and stuff but was puzzled at why I had a little smirk on my face, i got a little slap for it but she doen't know to this day why??

Not so much funny as just plain eventful!
First post!

Names Changed
(Wed 4th Feb 2009, 1:55, More)