b3ta.com user wonko the sane
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Profile for wonko the sane:
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After a particularly nasty website collapse, I'm now storing my b3ta piccies Here

Recent front page messages:


Started as a bad AC/DC reference, and grew into this.
I obviously have too much time on my hands
(Mon 20th Jan 2003, 11:35, More)

Imagine my surprise
I opened some spam email, accidentally followed a link

and got taken to a web site for pedrophiles.
(Thu 16th Jan 2003, 23:42, More)

I have a theory...

(Thu 26th Dec 2002, 20:41, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Mini Cabs From Hell

One of many
We're in Greenwich. He eventually turns up about 30 minutes late. We get in. I say "we're going to ********". "Where ?" he asks. I said "********. Just head north of the River, and I'll direct you".
I swear, he says, "What river?"

(to non-londoners out there, I assure you, anyone in Greenwich who doesn't know where the Thames is has a real navigation problem)
(Thu 27th May 2004, 0:07, More)

» Breakin' The Law

Climbing the walls
There's a few police-oriented stories from my younger days. I think this was one of the sillier ones ...

Living in The City, good mate staying with us, it's 2am-ish, we've had a fair bit to drink, and run out of fags. So, mate and I walk to local all-night garage, via Moorgate - where a lot of the buildings have facades made of big square blocks. Blocks which make them look very easy to climb. So, obviously...

There I am, 25 foot up an office wall, mate at the bottom looking upward, when a passing police car slows down to see what he's up to (we were long haired, leather jacket people in those days, so probably looked a bit suspicious). Pulls up, has conversation with mate (never did find out what he said). Mate points in random direction, and walks off.

Police car does not leave for another 2 minutes. Meanwhile, I'm clinging on to this wall for dear life hoping that none of them decide to look up. Luckily, they never did.

My fingers were hurting, though.
(Thu 8th Jan 2004, 13:14, More)

» My Worst Vomit

About 18 years ago (can that be right ...!?!?) I was playing some drinking game with a bunch of people using some dreadful combinations of stuff. As far as I can guess, the whiskey caused the Advocaat and the Malibu & milk to mix and curdle in my stomach. In the early hours of the morning I had to step over sleeping bodies to throw up yellow super-sticky vomit out of the window.

Four weeks later, through wind and rain (this was Wales, after all) this lump of stuff persisted outside the window. I think the last traces took about 3 months to clear.

I considered calling NASA to see if they were interested ....
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 23:48, More)

» Impromptu Games You Play

You asked.
During a power cut on a particularly pi**ed evening, Mrs Wonko and I, lit up a load of candles, and decided to pass the time by playing cards. But we couldn't remember how to play any card games (seriously, when was the last time you played cards ?)

So that's when we invented Psychic Snap. It's just like normal snap, except the cards go face down.

Scarily, after a while, she got pretty good at it.
(Wed 31st Mar 2004, 17:40, More)

» Inventions You're Too Lazy To Make

Electric Shoelaces
Of course
(Thu 8th Apr 2004, 22:36, More)
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