b3ta.com user Deiwos - Woo
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» Old People Talk Bollocks

My crazy grandad
Not too long ago my grandad went through a period of shall we say 'crazy shit'.
Now what I'm going to say may sound utterly rediculous but believe me, it is all true.

Ok for starters at the moment he insists there's snipers outside the home he is in that will shoot you if you go outside. What's worse is he's convinced everyone else they exist too so they're all afraid to go outside.

Also, when he was in hospital he thought that the man in the bed next to him was an italian spy called Paulo (the guys name was Bill), he thought they hid the dead dogs in a pit behind his curtain around his bed AND he thought one of the nurses was injecting him with kiwi juice at night.

He also thinks that he fought in the first world war in france. This isn't even possible seeing as he was only born in 1917.
Then there's the fact he thinks he fought for the Nazi's in WWII when in reality he delivered milk to the hospital in Nottingham and was one of those warden thingys.

If anyone can top that I'd like to see them try.
(Thu 11th Mar 2004, 15:52, More)

» Breakin' The Law

A 10" dildo and your best friends mum
Recently I posted this on the board but this deserves a repeat I think :D.

A couple of months ago The Sun newspaper was giving away free 'sexual enhancement' kits via the 'dear deidre' page. My friend I saw this when reading the paper and we decided it would be a bit of a laugh to apply for one and send it to our mates rather proper mum if we were picked.
Well as it happens we were one of the first 250 or whatever it was to apply and so we had it posted to our mates house under his mums name.
We hadn't told our mate about doing this for obvious reasons ;).
Anyway it turns out the sexual enhancement kit was a 10" dildo and some lube so you can imagine the reaction of my mates mum when she opened the parcel up.
Our mate soon realised who it was that had done this and told his mum who then reported us to the police.
So I'm sat at the computer and I look out the window and I see a police car pull up and I'm thinking 'the bastards turned me in'.
Luckily for me I was only cautioned by the coppers and not charged with anything after a bit of sweet talking on mine and my friends part to our mates mum.
That said one of the policemen did find it quite funny when we were explaining what happened :D.
(Wed 7th Jan 2004, 22:47, More)

» It was a great holiday, but...

Disney World
We were on the bus to disney world from the hotel and my sister need the toilet.

She didn't make it. Not even off the bus.

She was 18 *sniff*
(Sun 24th Apr 2005, 1:48, More)

» You're a moviestar baby

News Report
Not long ago (as many of you will have seen) there was girl in Nottingham who was shot in a drive by.

Well when they did the news reports at the 'Girl got shot' party/wake in the market square me and my friends (who needless to say were quite wasted from celebrating a mates birtday) decided it'd be fun to get blow up sex dolls from the local adult shop and Waltz across the square with them infront of the cameras.

God knows if it made it on to the TV but fuck me the police were angry.
(Fri 12th Nov 2004, 23:37, More)

» Strange things you've been paid to do

Impregnating your sisters lover
Like a story line from a channel 5 soap opera I give you 'IMPREGNATING YOUR SISTERS LOVER'.

One of my very good mates has a sister who, to many of my friends bitter disappointment is a full on lesbian. No, not one of those cool ones that likes to make with men, but one of those rare 'I love women, not men' ones.

Anyway, her and her 'life partner' had been looking to have a baby for quite some time but didn't want the hassle and what not of adoption or going to the sperm bank. So instead they offered my friend a cool £2000 for a night of hot steamy romance with the one who wasn't a relative (if you get my drift).

Anyway, like the true gentleman he is, he graciously accepted the offer and right now the 2 lesbian lovers are awaiting their first, and for my mates sake atleast, last baby.

I'm just glad he only sees he sister at christmas.
(Fri 1st Oct 2004, 23:32, More)
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