» Obscure Memorabilia

Rawk!
I have an [insert boring pub-related item] I nicked from the [musical instrument] player from [obscure punk/grunge band] when they played a gig in the [pub name] in [middle england suburb].

The person [died/faded into obscurity] about [some random period of time] ago.
(Wed 10th Nov 2004, 1:19, More)

» Obscure Memorabilia

Ground Force
One of my neighbours has a framed set of mangy dried old teabags. They were allegedly used to make the Ground Force people a brew when they were at her community centre. Each one is individually labelled and she has hung the frame in pride of place over her mantlepiece.
(Thu 4th Nov 2004, 9:49, More)

» My Worst Vomit

Learning that first valuable lesson
When I was about 16 one of my mates had their house to themselves for the weekend, so naturally to comply with the unwritten rules of teenagerdom, there was a massive teenage party duly organised.
After the beer ran dry we inevitably started on his parents' drinks cabinet. Advocaat, Gin, Cherry Brandy, it all got drunk.
I slept in an attic room, and in the middle of the night woke with that unmistakable urge. I panicked as there was nowhere to puke, so I opened the skylight and vomited out onto the tiled roof.
The funny part is that the vomit somehow stained the slate. That house has had a mystery streaked area where moss grows ever since. 10 years later I've been past and its still there. One day I'll take my grandkids and show them that streak and be able to say "I did that".
(Sun 22nd Aug 2004, 10:55, More)

» Breakin' The Law

Homeless (Im not)
I'm not the sharpest dressed or best presented clean shaven bloke in the world, and my memory is really shit. I often go shopping and forget where I've gone, what I need, which way a shop is, so I often stop for 4-5 minutes at a time to run through things in my head and try to remember what I was doing.

I've been moved on by police on no less han 5 occasions in the past few months. "Sorry mate, you can't stop here". But on the upside, once or twice I've got a pound coin pressed into my hand by some random stranger.

I also frequently forget what I'm doing inside shops - especially food shops. I spend a few minutes puzzling over things, then when I move away I notice from then on I am constantly tailed by the security, talking in their radios. Happens every bloody time in Tesco Metro.

Maybe its time to buy some new clothes.
I bet you are glad you read my exciting essay on my daring encounters with the fuzz now, eh!
(Fri 9th Jan 2004, 15:47, More)

» Breakin' The Law

Gendarmes
A group of about 10 of us went on a camping tour of Normandy several years ago. Anyway, one night its a beautiful night so we find a streetside bar and sit outside drinking many many strong continental lagers. Some of us speak French pretty well, so we're chatting to the locals and generally getting on with everyone fantastically.
Someone decides to start singing some songs, and everyone joins in. Its getting late and a car full of gendarmes cruises slowly by the bar, the car's passenger motioning us to quiet down.
Nearly all of us see this and stop singing except for my best mate, who turns and sees the car passing by a moment too late.

In the silence he shouts "TAXI!"
The car stops suddenly, shifts into reverse and pulls back up next to my mate. He looks at him in that disdainful way, reaches around his seat and pops open the back door, motions to my mate to get in. He sheepishly does.

We had to collect him from the gendarmerie the next morning. He couldn't speak a word of French and the Gendarmes certaintly didn't help him out and make him feel at ease. He was a shivering wreck when we got him - he didnt know where he was, when he could get out, or what to do.

He has been terrified of all police ever since, and always gets really highly strung whenever he sees one now, hehe. Poor bloke.
(Fri 9th Jan 2004, 15:09, More)