» The Boss

Well, my first boss...
was a massive dyke, including playing rugby (Through her I have met the majority of the english female rugby team. Turned out one of them was a close relative to the girl I was seeing at the time. Small world and all.). I eventually got fired for taking cigarette breaks all the time because it gave the shop a bad image. Oh well.

My current boss is brilliant. I work as a Maths Technician in a school, so my direct boss is the head of maths. I'm allowed to work *very* flexible hours, so it isn't unusual for me to phone in and take the day off because I'm hungover. I'm also allowed to get away with any hairstyle or piercings I want. Thus; over the previous year, my hair has been long and red, long and pink, long and blond, short and purple, short and blue, and I was told I could put it in dreads if I fancied it - I didn't, because dreads are too much hassle. Both of my ear lobes are stretched to 18mm, I have a variety of other piercings on my ears, and can get my lip/eyebrow/nose pierced if I fancy it, but I don't like the look of them tbh.

On tuesday, he asked why I was hobbling. "Because I tattooed my feet last night". His respone? "Let me guess, "LEFT" on your right foor, "RIGHT" on your left?".

He was right.

Life is pretty good at the minute, thanks to having a relaxed and friendly boss.
(Thu 18th Jun 2009, 14:48, More)

» Gyms

I'm kind of
a health freak. By this I mean, I am very vain and love being very well muscled and toned. I smoke a lot, drink a lot, used to take a variety of substances but got a bit bored of it, I eat terriblly (Student budget. Hurrah! Hobnobs first week after money comes through, beans afgter that), consider a reasonable breakfast to be "Beer and multivitamins). I also happen to climb frequently, work out for between 90 mins and 2 hours a day, walk everywhere, attend gymnastics occasionally, and dip into various other sports randomly. I want the best of both worlds.

I don't attend to gym very often now, as I have my own set of weights, and prefer rockclimbing anyway, but I've seen some odd ones in there whilst I did.

After a while, I learnt the times of week to avoid my local gym, as they had an "At Risk Group" for people at risk of heart attacks. 3 times a week, lardy cunts wrestling away with the machines, sweating, panting, and spending a lot of time pretending to be queuing to use the water fountain.

Avoid the times set aside for free entry if you're on the dole. It's not that the scum who come in there are nasty, they're actually quite friendly and give good advice as a rule. It's just that they are so horrendously built that you feel genuinely ashamed. You toil away every day, and they seem to only come during cheap scroungers hour, yet they could clearly rip you limb from limb.

Go when other people are at work. Non-students/slackers are often at work 9-5, so try and get your gym session in during this time if you can. People who work 9-5 are often post-menopausal women, who tend to sit on the abdomninal isolator and not do anything, or serious looking business men who are dying inside and are coming to the gym after work to avoid going home to the wife who doesn't love them and the children they don't understand anymore.

Find a gym with a free swim included. Going to the sauna after a workout is a failure, saunas are full of obese, naked men. See many people who are actually toned or wellbuilt in there? Nope? That's because we're doing exercise instead of trying to lose weight without doing anything. Swimming afterwards is a better warm-down, more relaxing, and has the added benefits of making people stare at your tattooed feet.

Being well built is deceptive. Whilst I am rather ripped, I can't run more than 400m, am generally tired (Probably related to diet), and have constantly aching joints. (Mostly fingers, neck and back. Wrist as as wlel atm due to an RSI. Piano, not wanking. I'm doing grade 8 this year and my body felt an RSI woudl help with this)
(Fri 10th Jul 2009, 0:07, More)

» School Naughtiness

Flooding...
In year 6, my best friend to this day and I, along with a couple of year 5 kids, managed to flood the school.

During one lunch-time, I realised that the principles of leverage could be amusingly applied to a large drain-cover using a sturdy stick. We managed to pry the drain cover off, and being 10, balanced it on the edge of the drain and stationed one of us on either side of it, with the aim of jumping up and down alternately as though it were a primitive see-saw.

Naturally, the drain-cover fell straight into the drain, where it sliced straight through the mains-pipe. Ah, the difference between a drain and an access point for the mains-pipe.

We fled to the other side of the playground, acted as though we had nothing to do with it. The bell for the start of assembly before afternoon lessons rang, we went in. Through the windows of the assembly hall, we saw the janitor wading out into a very large and expanding pool of water.

By the end of the day, the entire playground was a good foot deep in water, and the next two days of school got cancelled. Never got found out, although I still feel a bit guilty about it every now and then. Guilty and very amused, anyway.
(Thu 8th Sep 2011, 18:42, More)

» Worst Band Ever

Metallica
and Iron Maiden, and others of that ilk. Not so much because of the music, which I'm just not particularly bothered about, but because of the fans. Every single serious fan seems to care for no other genre of music, almost to the extent of ICP fans, and it just makes no damn sense to me.

Recently on facebook:
Jim Lucas: metallica are the foundations of rock
Oneiromancer: No they aren't you fucking idiot.
Jim Lucas: No, clearly not... that's why every rock band in the world copies them and has done for 20 or so years now
Oneiromancer: and why so many bands prior to Metallica focused their energy on time travelling instead of on writing music.

I'm sure it's something to do with the mindset of serious metal fans, but it seems as though nothing else is actually loud enough for them to understand the subtleties or development of the music.

Having said that, if anyone on here is a big metal fan and actually listens to other things, feel free to correct me.
(Sun 2nd Jan 2011, 23:16, More)

» Drunk Parents

Conspiracy
My dad's always been pretty good at hiding me coming in drunk from the mother, and if he comes in drunk I get to try and sober him up enough to hide it from her if she's still awake. Doesn't always work, because my dad at ~50 still has a very silly attitude towards sobering up and hangovers...


"Oh, did you have fun with your old school friends?"
"Yeah, but I can't stand up now"
"OK, drink these glasses of water so you're not too hungover"
"Nonsense, I'm going to go and throw up and it'll be fine"

He has taught me well: throw up to avoid a hangover, or drink so much you'll still be drunk and sort of avoid it. I suspect that part of his silliness comes from lurking on here fairly often.

I also recently heard from his older brother of a time in the 70s when they lived on the street I did last year, and my dad threw up a considerable volume of martini from the window of his brother's car in Gosforth, an experience I was to repeat some 32 years later. Like father, like son.

Then there's my best friend's father, who hasn't drank in at least 10 years, and gives us advice on getting as drunk as we can, such as "Down everything", "Give blood before you go out", "Mix your drinks", and so forth. Somehow, my friend and I manage to drink responsibly from time to time, despite our parents fantastic advice.
(Fri 25th Feb 2011, 12:32, More)