b3ta.com user Crompton
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» Exposed!

Had to visit the hospital as a teenager
The doctor seemed to think I may have twisted my testicle and was eager to have a grope before deciding whether to whisk me away and operate. He asked my father (not me!) if a couple of student doctors could watch the examination and stupidly my father said yes... at which point people began to file in until there was nowhere for me to look except at faces peering eagerly at my rapidly shrivelling genitals.

I was then later whisked away for an X-Ray but left bored with a piece of lead covering my pride and joy. A bored teenager inevitably results in a wandering mind... the nurse noticed the lead had slipped from its position and went to adjust it, only to be confronted by my barely clothed erection springing me. At least I have an excuse for my sexual repression.
(Wed 14th Aug 2013, 11:11, More)

» School Naughtiness

Our secondary school had a problem which I'm sure many of you are familiar with - the school playing fields were out of bounds for many months across the winter, depriving us hyperactive schoolkids of our favourite way to let off some steam, football. Signs were placed around the school, forbidding us to use the playing fields on pain of death. Thus, a plot was formed...

I printed 15 notices in large black font, completed by initialling them in the style of the deputy head and posting them around the school, re-opening the playing fields; children rushed outside as if they had been released from many years of captivity, some playing football, some just rolling around in the mud, enjoying the freedom. The supervising teachers accepted the notice without question, patrolling the mayhem like red cross workers in a warzone. Suddenly, the atmosphere changed, fury eminating from the approaching deputy head, his face older and more wizened than an elephant's scrotum. Swiftly, we were removed from the fields, and almost immediately notices countering my command were issued.

The bar had been raised, his signature featured prominently; the fool, signature forgery is an art that I was well accustomed to. Two contraband days of football left the school corridors in the same state as most festival toilets, all surfaces sprayed with filth. I won the battle, but he later won the war.
(Sun 11th Sep 2011, 10:17, More)

» Caught!

Perhaps not being caught so much as doing something so retardedly obvious it couldn't be ignored...
When I was in my last year of secondary school, I had a perfect record, well, I hadn't had any detentions or such. Thus I was quite offended when a teacher caught me playing games and kicked me out of the computer room, the bitch then reported me to the school IT technicians. They blocked my computer account, so revenge was plotted...

When I got my account back in an IT lesson, I immediately opened notepad and typed exactly what I thought of them then saved the file as a flagged file type before quickly deleting it, hoping they might notice it, read it, before it was removed from under their noses. Clearly, I was a retard.

Result - 2 days suspension and a lifetime of earache from my parents.
(Sat 5th Jun 2010, 1:25, More)