b3ta.com user MyFakeName
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» Celebrities part II

Years ago I went to Vegas
I met Willie Nelson who was decent enough to pose for a photo with me & my mate. But more importantly, on the plane I was sat next to Geoffrey from Fresh Prince, nice guy.
(Wed 14th Oct 2009, 15:33, More)

» Tramps

A friend of mine
once went out drinking & after unsuccessfully trying to take a short cut through a park fell asleep on a bench only to be woken up by a tramp man sucking his cock.
(Wed 8th Jul 2009, 18:43, More)

» Breasts

I'm told
I have unusually large niplets for a bloke.


That's pretty much all I have to contribute.
(Fri 7th May 2010, 16:41, More)

» Neighbours

How could I forget
my neighbours a few doors down who bbq pretty much every day. Rain or shine.

To be honest they seem like pretty decent folk but they play crazy balkan music crazy loud all night long. They have a mic set up as well. This doesn't bother me as they always seem to be having good natured fun (& I don't have to sleep in the back bedroom). Every few weeks they have a band come round & play for hours. Again, it doesn't bother me & I love live music so in truth I kind of enjoy it. Until you realise that the band only know 4 songs. I. Am. Not. Kidding. 4 songs on a live loop for 10 hours. One of them is Hava nagila (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6RuURE9Y44) & is always played with massively enthusiastic audience participation. I think it's the same house that used to broadcast a pirate reggae station from their garden a few years ago. Different tennents I assume though.
(Fri 2nd Oct 2009, 12:00, More)

» Neighbours

Terrace houses in East London.
On one side we have a lovely Eastern European couple & their young son. We have a decent relationship with them, they lend us tools & we water the plants when they're away. How very old fashioned. Apart from them never giving me their names when I introduced myself. I still don't know their names.

On the other side we have a seemingly deaf pensioner with the mouth of a sailor. He looks like the kind of guy that would be strung up by an angry mob for being a peedo regardless of any kind of evidence. He enjoys nothing more than listening to AOR & playing playstation one games all night. At full volume. Nothing quite like the big reveal of a decent thriller being soundtracked by what I imagine Clarksons ipod to sound like. But then, I can't really complain as we are pretty loud ourselves (only in a more considerate, not all night kind of way). He also has a grave sized pit in his garden that is always covered by a tarp & still has an outhouse that he uses (not sure if he even has a indoor flusher). I've had one encounter with him one saturday morning when he locked himself out of his house. After ignoring my request to 'give me a sec to chuck some jeans on' he barged through my house to the garden. Being the neighbourly type I offered to hop his/our fence & let him in but he was aggressively against that, instead choosing to borrow a ladder from a group of builders & prop it up on our dilapidated fence. Up he goes, looking like he's going to tumble at any second, with me trying to stay in a position where I might be able to at least break his fall a bit if not catch him. I offer again & again to hop the fence but no. The struggle continues & the swearing gets louder but he still refuses my offer to hop the fence. I'm no Spiderman but this fence is only 5ft or so. Eventually he makes it over safely & disappears into his house. He doesn't emerge for anything so I'm left carrying a ladder around my street asking random builder types if it's theirs. He still hasn't said thank you. Bastard.

I won't go into the pikeys over the road as thats far too long a story.
(Thu 1st Oct 2009, 16:58, More)
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