» Mums

Mummy dearest
My mum was an English teacher and was made redundant. So she took up writing women's erotica, and wrote several books, the first of which was called "Punishment Exercise".

She also used to describe herself as an ageing hippie, and that her love for shiny things was due to the fact she used to be a magpie in a former life.

Unfortunately she passed away suddenly two years ago, but I'm still proud of the fact my mum wrote porn.
(Mon 15th Feb 2010, 22:07, More)

» Killed to DEATH

Bluebottles
If you vortex them in acetone the blue comes out.
(Thu 22nd Dec 2011, 23:29, More)

» DIY Surgery

Not my stories, but a friend I used to work with..
These two stories (one surgical, the other not so surgical) came from a postdoc who was working in the lab I did my PhD in. He once decided to treat a slight infection in his thumb with antibiotics we had in the lab. The ones that say "Not intended for medical use". He made up the antibiotic solution, stuck a pipette tip containing the solution under the edge of his thumbnail, and pipetted out into the inflamed part of his thumb. Next day the infection had gone. On another occasion he was doing a caesium chloride gradient, and accidentally injected himself with the caesium chloride. I believe caesium chloride is a carcinogen, which may explain the lump that appeared a wee while later. Which he then cut out with a scalpel from the lab.
(Thu 20th Jan 2011, 20:38, More)

» The B3ta Cookbook

A main and a pudding for open fire cooking
I used to be a Cub Scout leader, and the kids loved these.

Take one bread roll, hollow it out and crack a raw egg into it. Seal hole with bacon. Wrap in tinfoil and put in embers of fire until bacon and egg cooked and roll toasted. For pudding, slice a hole in a banana through the skin and shove in half a fudge. Wrap in tinfoil and put in embers of fire for a bit. Eat with a spoon.

For supper, toast a marshmallow then sandwich between two digestive biscuits. Repeat until full.
(Sun 1st Jul 2012, 23:30, More)

» Amazing displays of ignorance

Nice but dim
Before I got a proper science job I worked at BT as a temp.  It was very much a noddy job but the folks were great, and I generally had a good time. Holly, one of the girls I worked with, was thick as two short planks, but in a nice way. Some of the belters she came away with were:

"If a cow licks a bald man's head, does his hair grow back?"

"dna_girl, you're a scientist. If global warming happens, will the ice caps float off into space?"

And my favourite Hollyism of all time:

We were sitting around talking about things that happened to us when we were kids when of the other girls said that for some reason or another she had been born with no skin on her neck.  You could hear the single braincell in Holly's head squeaking at this comment, and then she came out with:
"Is that fake skin then?"
To which the other girl replied:
"Yeah, it goes on all foamy, like" 
Holly: "Oh right"
And she couldn't understand why we were pissing ourselves laughing. 

Ah dear. Sometimes I wonder how the hell we became the dominant species. 
(Fri 19th Mar 2010, 23:23, More)