» PE Lessons

My PE teacher at comp looked like my Dad...
...Which makes this all the more disturbing for me...

I'd have been about 15 years old at the time and seeing as it was a bright, sunny day we were once again marched into the sweltering gym to do high jump...bastards. Now, I've always been quite good at high jump due to my natural gait being akin to tigger on speed.
So... we're all messing about, throwing the geeks *through* the high jump gear into the air mat so they bounced off into the climbing bars when in walks the dreaded Mr Rigley. Who immediately picked me to be his guinea pig in explaining how physics can make you jump better. To explain the concept of a 'centre of mass' he decided it would be good to stand me in front of the class, while he stood behind, reached around and rubbed my lower abdomen to show my 'centre of mass'. Now this was disturbing enough... A fat, hairy middle aged man who looks like my dad stroking my tummy...gross, but not the worst... No, the sick pervert then announces that as a girl I have to consider the weight of my breasts...and you guessed it, the filthy old perv reaches up to my considerably large pert young breasts.

Being 15 and unsure of how to say 'get the fuck off me you slimy old cunt' without getting expelled I looked to the class for help... Just in time to see Joe, my best male friend take a running jump and kick the sick old cunt in the face. I don't think I'll ever forget the lovely crunchy sound that emanated from Mr R's nose and jaw as he dropped like a sack of shit to the floor. Even better was watching him try to explain to the Headmistress why he didn't want to press charges against Joe. How could he? We'd have grassed him up!

PE teachers, cunts and perverts...all of them!
(Sun 22nd Nov 2009, 18:15, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Well, I'm currently...
...on my way to the hallowed doors of Toy's R Us with my fella to buy Lego, Meccano and anything else cool that we can find...I'm 21, he's 34, we have no kids and don't plan on ever having them as that might mean we have to grow up!
(Sat 19th Sep 2009, 11:07, More)

» Annoying words and phrases

Lend/Borrow and Learn/Teach
Why are so many people completely incapable of using these words correctly? It makes me want to rip your tongue out of your head and choke you with it!
I almost nutted a girl at work who asked me to 'borrow her my pen'. I refused on the basis that she's clearly incapable of writing anything useful with it if she can't even ask for it properly. Upon hearing this she replied 'well if you're so good at English why don't you learn me?'
Seriously...just DIE!
(Thu 8th Apr 2010, 21:37, More)

» Amazing displays of ignorance

I was at work...
and the office was ridiculously loud. In order to concentrate properly I decided to remove my hearing aids, and in full view of my rather blonde colleague I placed them on my desk. 5 minutes later I'm on the wrong end of a kick from her blondeness and I have no idea why. I turn towards her so I can lipread to find that she's chewing me out for... Not listening to her when she's talking to me!!!

I casually pointed out that seeing as she'd watched me remove my hearing aids and they were currently about 6 inches from her hand, she should have realised I wasn't going to hear her... Her response? 'Why does that make a difference?'

I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at such sheer idiocy!
(Mon 22nd Mar 2010, 0:50, More)

» Rubbish Towns

I live in Nottingham...
...and haven't been shot/stabbed yet! But I have had two attempted muggings in full view of police officers (who did nothing until I'd knocked the pathetic muggers to the floor!), have had a 7 year old child offer me drugs at 2pm in the market square and while at Clarendon college I was pushed down some stairs by a chav for 'wearing black you goth bitch, innit!'... But I love Nottingham and all the grotty little suburbs. Some of the scenery is stunning, and although there are many eyesores, there is some amazing architecture. Nottingham might be a shithole, but look at these pages...there are clearly vast areas of the UK that would benefit from a good bombing...but its better the devil you know.
(Wed 4th Nov 2009, 20:56, More)