b3ta.com user Headsbollockskuntz
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» Worst Band Ever

Can't stand them. When I hear them I imagine a 40's something’s poncey dinner party and the host says "darling put the new album I bought you? You know the one the real hip one”, to try and show their friends how with the times they are.

Utter drivel.
(Thu 30th Dec 2010, 17:06, More)

» My Saviour

Not me personally...

When I was a teenager final year I think, and it was half term. There would be many of us that would head over to the local park for drinking and recreational drugs.

A good mate of mine was out with another friend in the group who decided to take an E. After an hour or two they decided to go off somewhere ‘pilled up’. They were on a different level from us who were on cheap lager and wine. I didn’t see my mates for the rest of the evening but they filled me in the next day on the events that happened. When they had wandered off they headed over to the park gates where they found two younger girls who attended the same school. One of the girls said please help my friend she’s slipped trying to get over the spiked railings. As it was late in the evening the park gates were locked so climbing over was the only option. As they walked over they saw the girl stuck on a spike. It was a freak accident. Somehow the girl landed on the spike which had actually torn through her clothing and went up her arse! Both girls had been drinking and weren’t totally with it in the first place. My mates helped leaver off the spike and got her back on her feet but she was in shock and also in huge amount of pain, she couldn’t walk. My mate carried her back home as it was just around the corner in his arms still completely out of his nut. He called the ambulance and left her friend to it as the girl’s parents where away for the weekend. The girl stayed in hospital for weeks recovering.

When we were all back at school my mate got a mention at assembly saying how brave and heroic he was. Quite funny really because it came from the Head of Year who was trying to expel him for being such a stoner.
(Fri 10th May 2013, 11:47, More)

» Dates Gone Wrong

Profile Pic
Many moons ago when internet dating took off, I thought I’d give it ago as I was single at the time. I was using a dating website which was cheap to use, and girls could use it for free. Started to exchange messages with a girl and going by her profile picture she looked pretty ok. She was local and decided to meet up for a drink locally, which was handy.

I made sure I got to the agreed bar early, so that I could have a couple of drinks beforehand to boost the Dutch courage and all that. I stood at the bar where she would see me as soon as she walked in. After a while the bar door open and there she was. I recognised her instantly and thought to myself fucking hell, should I just make a quick exit and leave now? The profile picture was true to her top half, however below that she was carrying the biggest arse I have ever seen. I mean it was freakishly big and the legs to go with it. She spotted me, so there was nowhere to run now so I bought her a drink and got chatting.

Turned out to be an alright evening but she just wasn’t my type. I’m shallow like that.
(Thu 4th Sep 2014, 15:34, More)

» Shit Claims to Fame II

Mates with Dougal Butler
Keith Moon's PA in the 70's.
(Wed 26th Sep 2012, 9:59, More)

» Bedroom Disasters

Nearly had my head blown off!
Reading a post earlier reminded me of this.

When I was around 12 years of age, I was over a mate’s house. Think it was over the summer holidays as both his parents was at work and we had the house to ourselves. So we were just mucking about watching TV playing music eating junk etc. Then we went up stairs in to his parents bedroom jumping on there bed just acting like arseholes basically. My friend then walked over to the wardrobe and reached up to grab something. He walked over to me have a look at this. It was a hand gun silver like the one you would see in the American cop shows back in the day. Now his father was a member of a gun club so he had licenses etc. Also used to keep a shot gun in and old grandfather clock which I found out later on. Anyway my mate held the gun to my head and said listen to the click. As he was about to pull the trigger her realised the gun was loaded and pulled the gun away from my head! I replied you fucking idiot you could have killed me! He said sorry didn’t think it was loaded oh anyway it’s loaded with blanks!
(Fri 24th Jun 2011, 11:21, More)
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