b3ta.com user The Sausage Tree
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» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

I recently revived an old childhood favourite
When I was barely a sapling, my brother and I used to look forward to the weekly supermarket trip for one reason alone...

We used to head straight for the loo-roll aisle and find a gap in the display which we would enter and create epic loo-roll forts (using the 3x4 packs with 2x2 crenellations if the urge takes you).

A couple of weeks ago I found the fridge bare during a drinking session and went off to the local supermarket. Halfway down the loo-roll aisle was a gap exactly right and my drink addled mind was no match for the wave of nostalgia. I entered. Barely 5 minutes later I was sat in the best fort of all time when a wall was removed and the store security guard proffered a hand forth and yanked me out.

The enduring memory about the incident is the genuine look of concern in his face as, rather than a thoroughly deserved bollocking, he offered advice on how he beat his depression and drinking problem. So moved by his admission was I, that I almost didn't buy a crate of cider and a bottle of Glenmorangie. Almost...

I remember him forlornly shaking his head as I tottered past with arms full of booze. If only he knew that I'm not depressed or an alcoholic, just an absolute pillock!

[edit] Be gentle, first post! Also, mandatory apology for length (more kitchen roll than loo roll. I wish)
(Mon 21st Sep 2009, 15:31, More)

» Sexism

Anyone else a little worried about the level of bitterness bubbling away under the surface of some b3tans?
I thought this thread'd be a little more light hearted than this! All seems to be descending into gender warfare! I can't be the only one who doesn't feel too strongly about all this?

I hold doors for men and women, it's polite.

I don't generally find female comics funny, but that's more because they seem to do the style of comedy I don't like. All shouting "willy" and giggling. Same reason I don't like Graham Norton or Russell Brand.

I don't believe in affirmative action, but I do believe in equal pay.

Who cares what the men in adverts are portrayed as. Some people are like that and just because their character sells stuff better than me is no reason to get defensive. Think about the boots ads and things that portray women as hair and nail obsessed shopaholics, or the stupid perfume ads.

A note to the men who are saying things like "women expect equality but say you can't hit them", you seem to be missing an important point: It's not really necessary to hit anyone. If a woman started hitting me I'd do the same thing I would if it were a man, either walk away or restrain them.

Can anyone who agrees just leave me a reply, a full stop'd do, and restore my faith in humanity. Or if you really disagree, I'd love to hear why you care so much?

Sorry about the length since I don't have a point!
(Sun 27th Dec 2009, 23:20, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

In my First year of University...
I had a ridiculous flat-mate who, after the first couple of weeks during which I'll admit we had a few parties, presented us with a list of "flat rules"

I still remember them as they were the most hilarious thing I've ever seen:

THe sheet started with the sentence "I own one fifth of this flat for the remainder of the year" accompanied with a pie chart demonstrating what proportion that represented. All respect for the document instantly evaporated.

The following rules have been cherry-picked but if I can find the thing I'll put a scan up.

1. No walking past [flatmates] room after 10pm (difficult as it's between our rooms and the rest of the world)

2. No laughing after 10pm (really?)

3. Only one "outsider" (she referred to anyone who didn't live in the flat as an outsider) in the flat at any one time, and they must be gone by 10pm (so much for traditional uni liasons, we thought)

There were about 15 but these are the best I can remember.

In the end we just posted her some "change of room" forms and had another party, during which we drunkenly decided to have a "who has the loudest rape alarm" contest between our female friends.

I feel bad about it but it was us or her, if the rules had been sensible it wouldn't have been a problem...
(Tue 22nd Sep 2009, 13:42, More)