» Cars

Bullwinkle J Moose
My wife and I after spending a day in the north country of New Hampshire were lamenting that we had not seen any Moose (Alces Alces) while driving around. I was driving downhill on this section of the road about 70 MPH when my wife suddenly goes OH Sith a fukcing Moose. I in my stupid mood say Where and she says right in front of us. I look down the road and in the middle of it is a HUGE Freaking moose. I just keep looking at it when my wife yells STOP!!! (their too stupid to move out of the way and people just hit them and break their legs and get killed as they roll into the front seat). I slam my brakes and just keep seeing this Moose get closer and closer. We finally stop about 20 feet away from her with smoke from my tires and brakes pouring from under the hood. I remember that my friend Joe had been tailgating us since we left Canada. I look in my rear view mirror to see him and his wife with these very shocked expressions on their faces as they come to a stop behind us. He looked like he crapped himself. I look forward to see Mother Moose just looking at us then jumping from the middle of the road over the guard rail into the woods. We see her baby who takes a couple of hops then also goes over the guard rail. The rest of the trip was pretty quiet.
(Fri 23rd Apr 2010, 2:32, More)

» Best and worst TV ads

Menthos and Ricola
i always hated that some twat could just take a menthos and immediately solve whatever problem he had. I wish he just showed one up his arse instead.
Ricola I hate the stupid alpine horn they use. I wonder what it would be like to fart into the end of one.
(Fri 16th Apr 2010, 15:01, More)

» Annoying words and phrases

Phrases used by idiots:
The boss ff our building uses the Phrase" it is what it is" whenever there is a subject his brain cannot handle. He uses it like pope razzy would his cloak of infallibility.
The next one that burns my arse is "WHATEVER" used in the middle of an argument. The mental defective who uses it will with that one word defeat all sane arguments in his mind.
The last phrase is "You know" used at the end of a statement to automatically put you on their side.The earth does not revolve around the sun, because it is always moving YOU KNOW!
The end of my rant and rave. insert any penis size joke here YOU KNOW.
(Sun 11th Apr 2010, 20:46, More)

» Doctors, Nurses, Dentists and Hospitals

Doctors, Nurses, Dentists and Hospitals
My first experience with the medical profession began with a trip to the dentist for pain in my mouth. I got an appointment with Doc. Boska, aka the butcher. I was told I had an impacted wisdom tooth and an infected molar. He would take care of the problem right away. He injected me with numbing medicine and then promptly pulled both of them out in less then a minute. He put a cotton ball in the hole and sent me on my way. I went to another doctor at the emergency room when the bleeding did not stop and the pain continued. The butcher it seems in his haste also broke my jaw and left a part of the root in the gums. The infection was cured after several rounds of medication. The jaw took a little longer to heal. I was happy when I heard that a year later he was relieved of his license to practice.

The next experience was for a work related injury where I was sent to a local clinic. I was diagnosed with a pulled groin muscle and every week had a lovely women rub my groin muscle with some ultra sonic device to ease the pain. Six weeks later I was cured. I still had pain and I went to see my doctor and told him of the problem and he had me drop my pants and within two seconds diagnosed a hernia. I told work of my doctor's opinion and was referred back to the clinic. I had the same person who told me of my pulled muscle they let me know that it must of happened because I overworked myself. The surgery was very successful with no problems.
I have always hated hospitals but I have found that the majority of the people working there are quite nice and willing to help.
(Sat 13th Mar 2010, 21:47, More)