b3ta.com user ceeej
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» IT Support

Chest what you need.
Many years ago (OK, 20+) I worked for a small IT company that had a problem customer. She kept ringing us and complaining that her PC (an IBM XT with 20MB hard disk) was typing random characters in Word Perfect.

We visited site, replaced her keyboard and asked her to test it, perfect. A couple of days pass and she's on the phone again, same problem.

Having already replaced the keyboard with a refurbished one (yeah, they used to be worth fixing) we decided to give her a brand new keyboard because, it transpires, she's the MD's secretary. Problem solved.

No, not that lucky, she's on the phone again and she's *not* happy.
By this time we're getting a little desperate, we start to suspect the hardware so we back up everything onto floppy (5.25") and re-install MS-DOS along with all her applications onto a loan PC. Her machine works flawlessly in the workshop, passes all diagnostics, even survives the office scut monkey typing rude words on screen and laughing uncontrollably.

Meanwhile, she's reporting that the loan PC has the same fault. This, we conclude, is impossible, it's completely different hardware and a fresh install of all the sofware so I'm dispatched with another engineer to her desk with the instructions 'Find out what the fuck is going on and don't leave until you have worked it out.'

So I'm sat there, she's an older woman (mid thirties to my late teens), rather attractive in MILF sort of way. We're chatting, she's taking phone calls and the PC is behaving. Then, after a couple of hours she gets a folder from her boss, the MD, containing a document he wants typed up, lots of pages of handwritten notes.

Watching her typing is entertaining, she jiggles in a most comely way as the speed builds up and she's a good typist. No problem with the PC though, until that is she reaches forward to turn the page on her copy holder and her ample chest hits the keyboard and types a bunch of random characters...

I'm not sure who was most embarrassed, me trying to explain why the random characters had appeared or her for causing them.

Length? About 38D I reckon...
(Sat 26th Sep 2009, 23:09, More)

» IT Support

Command.com
Hehe, just remembered this one.

Back in the day, you could edit the error messages in command.com using the hex mode in XTree Gold. Being a nice person, I decided to make some judicious changes to my boss's error messages, the one I remember was changing 'Bad Command or File Name' to 'Learn to type fatboy'.

Unfortunately, he was pretty competent with a keyboard, doubly unfortunate was that he'd made a new DOS boot disk from this machine the very afternoon after I'd made my edits. For those who don't know, making a boot floppy copies the command.com from the system.

Not too bad but he'd also used the boot disk to format hard drives in new systems and systems for repair. Copying my modified command.com to a number of customer's systems.

Ooops.

Width? 5.25"
(Sat 26th Sep 2009, 23:21, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

I drive, a lot..
So, inevitably, I get stuck in traffic jams quite often. I find it hugely amusing making stupid faces at obviously bored children in other cars as I pass them or they pass me. It's brilliant seeing them smile, even better is when they try to tell mum or dad and I'm sat there with a deliberately serious face as mum or dad look over.

Just because I'm 40 doesn't mean I'm a grown up yet..
(Thu 17th Sep 2009, 20:09, More)

» The Police II

Youtube..
It's a magnet for wannabe gangsters, just a quick tip though, if you're ever tempted to post videos of the bags of weed, stolen satnavs and firearms you possess, try not to do it from an account that's got your mum's name as the email address OK?

It makes it awfully easy for the local police to find you and doesn't half piss off your family when the house gets turned inside out at 5AM in the morning.
(Tue 10th May 2011, 7:34, More)

» Redundant technology

Arse raped by the tech manufacturers
I'm still using a Bluray player, I've had it for almost two months and I'm sure I'm at least three format wars behind already!
(Wed 10th Nov 2010, 17:35, More)
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