b3ta.com user Azrepheal
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Hi. Im Alex.

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Hello B3ta, been a while

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Potoo. The image search you want is Potoo.
(Thu 26th Apr 2018, 22:19, More)

Poo poo Ron Ron Ron, poo poo Ron Ron!

(Wed 6th Jan 2010, 20:55, More)

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» School Naughtiness

Our head of physics
could be a real moody old bint. Not all the time, mind you, but when a certain time of month rolled round, none of us tried our usual tricks. One particular afternoon, our usually punctual teacher was late, and so we let ourselves into the lecture theatre and began to celebrate.

Lunches were eaten, one lad had a trumpet that he started playing and a friend of mine was using the lecture-computer to play microsoft pinball, broadcast via a projector onto the wall behind him. The room was new-ish and had been converted from one which had, many years previously, contained a darkroom for film development. This was now used as a large cupboard at the back of the room, and two of the crazier students - Daniel and Michael - decided to explore it.

No sooner had they entered the cupboard than the teacher burst in, red-faced, eyes bulging, and immediately started screaming bloody murder at how we weren't studying already. The food disappeared, as did the trumpet and 9 foot high pinball projection - thankfully she seemed to stressed to have noticed those - but as we began to copy down what she now wrote on the computer, it became quite obvious that 2 of our number were missing. Minutes passed slowly, and as we all wondered what their plan of escape was, Daniel casually opened the door and walked out.

The teacher flipped her lid. He began to give an explanation about his pen rolling under the door, but was drowned out by her swearing and threats of castration. Eventually she calmed down enough to demand he see her afterwards so she could remove most of his internal organs, or words to that effect. As she said this, she went over to the cupboard door, didn't see Michael about to leave, and slammed it shut.

We had been intrigued before, but now the tension was almost too much to bear. He couldn't possibly leave, that would be suicide, sh'd rip his heart out of his chest! There is no excuse he could say, nothing that could make the situation any better or worse. And - just after we had, in hushed whispers, agreed he was probably going to stay in there for the whole lesson, the door flew open. Michael launched himself out of the cupboard, and - addressing the class at the top of his lungs - cried "YOU LIED! THERES NO SECRET DOOR TO NARNIA!" We all laughed and burst into applause, before turning to see how well our teacher had taken it.

To this day I have never seen a human being turn such a deep shade of purple in such a short space of time.
(Sun 11th Sep 2011, 22:52, More)

» Celebrities part II

Not exactly, but...
My dad used to be the catering manager for the National Film Theatre. Because of this, he got to meet quite a few celebrities at premieres and special events. One of these events was for a Bond film (I think View to a Kill or Octopussy, can't remember as I wasn't quite born then meself) So my dad has 4 tickets, and as well as he and my mum invites along one of my aunts and her husband.

Upon arrival, said aunt begins freaking out that Sean Connery is at the screening. My Dad offers to introduce her, at which point she almost has a panic attack and, desperately trying to change the subject, asks him what he does. "Oh nothing" my dad says "I just stand around and tell people where the toilets are" They laugh, order is restored.

5 minutes later Sean Connery comes up and taps my dad on the shoulder, and in a low voice asks "Hey Frank... where are the toilets?"
(Wed 14th Oct 2009, 4:30, More)