» Caught!

Once upon a time....
I once fell asleep in class at school. The teacher had shut the shades, dimmed the lights and stuck on a boring video. I quickly fell asleep with my head resting in my hands. Apparently at some point during the hours lesson I had begun snoring, which alerted the little fuck next to me, who promptly, and quietly, let the teacher know I was asleep.

Luckily this teacher was more of a prankster than a twat, as I woke up to him gently shaking me, telling me it was gone past 6pm and all the buses had gone, and that I would have to stay the night with him. This was confirmed by the clock on the wall and the absence of the whole class.

Cue me thinking I was about to be bummed, I pushed everything into my bag and tried to run away. I got to the door to realise the whole class were outside and proceeded to fall about in laughter as I tried to escape the potential rape dungeon.

It turns out my teacher had quietly led the whole class outside, turned the clocks forward, and woke me, to make me panic about missing my bus. I nearly had a fucking heart attack, and never even blinked in his lessons ever again.
(Tue 8th Jun 2010, 17:22, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Make me jig....
I play a great gane with my friend who plays guitar. He has to play a song that will 'Make me Jig'

I am not talking about a normal dance. Arms must be down at my side and i stand completely still. He starts playing, if I like it, I'll start to move slowy from side to side, slowly starting to move my elbows as I am rocking a baby to sleep. If he somehows wanders upon anything resembling the Oompah Loompah song then I'm off and dancing like a fucking spastic being attacked by a wasp.

He cannot hold a winning 'Make me Jig' tune for long though as he starts to laugh as I remain stood in the same spot, the top half of me resembling a tornado full of dying fish....

and so we have to begin again. Much fun :)
(Fri 18th Sep 2009, 15:04, More)

» Prejudice

Men with beards
Men with beards, what are they hiding?
Could I handle the truth if they chose me to confide in?
Or would my dead body be found down a railway siding
Where I'd been murdered by a man with a beard
Where I'd been murdered by a man with a beard

You can't work out what they're thinking in their face
Because they've got hair growing all over the place
You can't tell what they're up to, maybe it's best not to know
Perhaps they're full of hair up here
But they've got none down below?
Do they put porno mags in the bushes in the woods?
Do they interfere with kids
And make them say 'Thank you' afterwards?
Do they hang around in parks and wait till after dark
Jump out of the bushes and then fuck you for a lark?

Men with beards, what are they concealing?
That facial fuzz gives me an uneasy feeling
But they'll hide my dismembered corpse up in the ceiling
Where I've been butchered by a man with a beard
Where I've been butchered by a man with a beard

Shipman, Bin Laden, Stilgoe, Haystacks
They were all hiding something and that's an actual fact
'Whispering' Bob Harris - why was his voice so soft?
Had he murdered a prositute up in his loft?
Now, Peter Sutcliffe, the Yorkshire Ripper
He avoided the use of a razor or clipper
They've all got a secret, don't think that they ain't
It could be something as simple as a skin complaint

Men with beards, what are they obscuring?
They all seem so confident and so assuring
But to some waste ground you they'll be alluring
Where you'll be bludgeoned by a man with a beard
Where you'll be bludgeoned by a man with a beard

(Watch out for men with beards!)
(Wed 7th Apr 2010, 12:30, More)

» Annoying words and phrases

it took me 10 minutes..
to realise this wasn't the previous QOTW relating to prejudice.

I wondered why all you cunts weren't making any sense.
(Thu 8th Apr 2010, 15:44, More)

» How clean is your house?

well....
i read on the bbc website the other day about how often you should change your bed sheets.... or was it on here??

anyway

I have been in my flat for 18 months now and that article prompted me to go and buy a second pair so i could wash the ones i had been sleeping in all that time. fresh sheets are nice eh?

once a week?

fuck off
(Thu 25th Mar 2010, 16:10, More)