» Waste of money

I fashioned a cummerbund out of £50 notes
It was a waist of money
(Sat 2nd Oct 2010, 17:36, More)

» Heroes and villains of 2011

I would like to nominate the vast majority of people in the UK as heroes
So much media attention is given to 'forrins' and people on benefits, but rarely is any recognition given to the majority that go to work every day, doing a job they can't stand to earn a living and provide for their families, even though they would probably be better of (financially) if they went on benefits. 

Well I recognise you. And you have my utmost respect. Go you!
(Fri 30th Dec 2011, 15:30, More)

» The B3TA Confessional

i made a bomb hoax
When I was 14 I would go to a phonebox with my mate and make prank calls. Harmless enough and we found it hilarious as I could do some funny accents quite well.

Then we found a freephone number for a hotel reservation service

I made a few calls pretending to be michael jacksons assistant etc acted very stressed stating we must have the best room, all cutlery must be galvanised etc

I began to draw a crowd. At school during lunch I used the school payphone and rang the number. I had about 6 people stood around listening and I went blank.

God knows why but I said in a very posh voice " haha there's a bomb in the *insert very large hotel in leeds centre next to the train station* hotel. Put the phone down and went about my business

2 hours later an emergency assembly was called. We saw SOCO officers removing the payphone. I shit myself and ran home

Unfortunately by the time I got home I had already been grassed and my parents had been informed. They were the opposite of happy

In the end I got a police caution. And a 3 week suspension from school. Had it been a few years later I would probably still be in prison for terrorism

Whilst cautioning me, the police explained that my hoax had not been taken as a serious threat, but the hotel had been searched. Had they took it serious they would have had to evacuate the city centre and stop all trains at an estimated cost of £3 million.
(Wed 1st Sep 2010, 15:16, More)

» Grandparents

My Gran is currently on strike 2…
Prologue: my Granddad died when I was little and my Gran has been living alone for approx 20 years. Everybody in the family visits as often as possible so she doesn’t get too lonely.
Now it’s not her fault, but she is a bit ‘mental’. It’s genetic. She has passed it onto my mum who has passed it onto my sisters. I cant explain it, but hopefully by the time you finish reading this you will get the idea…

Strike 1:
I get a phone call at 7am on a Saturday. “Frample, I need you to come round now its important,” she doesn’t sound like she is in any pain or distress but I get dressed and head over anyway.

Upon arrival the front door is open and my Gran has something wrapped in a paper-towel. She gets in the car. “Drive” she says and directs me to a street on a local estate
Where she has absolutely no business being.

Whilst driving, I recognise the unmistakeable smell of a bacon sandwich “that for me?” I enquire, “No” replies Gran “we’re nearly there”

And then I find that a crime has been committed through the night, a ‘crime scene’ has been set up, and a local bobby has been guarding it since 4am, not allowed to move from the scene, called my Gran who got ME out of bed to deliver a bacon sandwich!

Strike 2:
Gran calls me, informing me that she needs my help in moving her T.V. stand. Fair enough, she is an old lady; i'm a young bloke, i’m more than happy to help!

Call round to find THE SAME FUCKING BOBBY sat on the sofa sipping tea! He’s more-or-less the same age/build/strength as me, and yet my Gran has decided that I must be called from my house, drive the 15 miles to her house to move the T.V. stand (actually, rotate the stand by 5 degrees, adding insult to injury)

I love her, but fuck me does she do my head in sometimes!
(Fri 3rd Jun 2011, 19:34, More)

» Controversial Beliefs

Keep it in your trousers.

I would like to start by saying that I haven't considered all the outcomes, and there are probably many downsides that I haven't considered. As an open minded person I would welcome any arguments for or against this.

But it is my opinion that breeding should be licensed, and people should not be allowed to reproduce without proving that they are financially and emotionally capable of raising a child properly.

Consider the oxfam adverts showing thousands of starving children in under developed countries. I think the parents knew what fate their progeny would be subject to long before conception.

I don't think it should be specific to 3rd world countries either. How many people in the UK are firing out babies just so they can abuse the benefit system?

Does this make me racist toward the human race? Is that genocide? I don't know.

I reserve the right to change my opinion in light of new facts I haven't considered being brought forward by your lovely selves
(Thu 25th Apr 2013, 15:59, More)