» Awesome teachers

My form teacher, 11-14
Mr Matthews was an ex-prison officer, divorced without custody, and had a son the same age as us. He was a great mix of friendly funny, and diciplinarian when he need to. He used to take 5 selected boys on a 2 week trip to either Wales or Cornwall every summer holidays....... in his Ford Capri..... on his own!!
Yes I know what that sounds like these days!!! Dodgy old peado takes little boys on his own personal sex-abuse trip every summer!...... But it wasn't!!!

I realise now, that he was very careful who he selected, and considered the personality mix quite carefully. The result for us was that we had two weeks of wonderful holiday where we basically ran wild, and did whatever we fancied! The only rules were to not get arrested, don't destroy anything belonging to him or the house we were staying at, and not to kill or maim ourselves!

What did he get out of it? Well probably the only two weeks of holiday a year away from his home, and a chance I think to do the things he missed doing with his son?

I reckon it would be virtually impossible to do that now, which is a shame, but times change I guess. My parents didn't do much holidaying with me, and those few trips with Mr Matthews meant a lot to me, and I remember so much about them even now!

Cheers Mr Matthews!
(Wed 23rd Mar 2011, 15:36, More)

» Mums

The big black cape!
When I was about 9, my mum who I thnk kind of fancied herself as a bit of a boho... took to wearing an ankle length black cape. She wasn't... but could nowadays be construed as being a bit "Goth" maybe?

I thought she looked like a witch in my young mind!" Which made for One very funny incident.
One day out walking with my mum, a couple of young lads (12/13-ish) wandered past and one called out.... "Oi witchy!" Without blinking she stopped, fixed them with a truly evil glare, slowly raised an arm and pointed a bony white finger at them, and babbled a load of utter bollocks that sounded like a curse in old english! The grins departed their faces and they were frozen to the spot. As soon as my mum turned to walk away(menacingly!) they ran for it like they had broomsticks shoved up their arses!

She also had a penchant for throwing wine(usually red) over men at parties? If she did it once she did it 5 or 6 times when I was a kid!
(Wed 17th Feb 2010, 10:34, More)

» The Police II

Got pulled......
by the Rozzers many many moons ago, in an old and slightly crap Fiat. Said car was actually a great piece of engineering but it looked dreadful.
Big police van, flashing lights, pullover etc...... me and my good mate jump out and are confronted by two policemen, one young and green the other older and savvy. "I've pulled you over because your car is too rusty to have an MOT!" says the young one, I respond "Oh dear, that's very odd, it went through it's MOT 3 days ago! hang on, I've got the MOT certificate... here!" The young coppers expression dropped as I handed him the MOT, just then my mate chimes in..."The police are well known for being Rust-ist aren't they!" Within 0.5 seconds the young policeman looked like Attila the hun on a bad day, and I thought we'd gone too far and were in for it! Except...... the older policeman in thebackground was now creased up with uncontrollable laughter, as were half the others lurking in the van! After a very short examination of the MOT we were on our way :-)
(Fri 6th May 2011, 13:25, More)

» Cars

I had a great Mini....
Many years back when I was young and more stupid! It was only a Mini 1000 but it had a Bigger carburettor, a Cherry bomb exhaust, was red with a white roof, had little worlfrace alloys and a Walnut dashboard and a little steering wheel! In a slightly rusty round the edges way it was the Mutt's nuts!

However.... it had a problem! If I used the horn ever, it would short out the ignition and kill the engine momentarily, without any sound from the horn! I never bothered to fix this as it was electrickery and therefore a waste of my time!

However I used to forget this, and when I occasionally got cut-up, or slighted in some way(I probably always deserved it!) The red mist would descend and road-rage would get to me and I'd acellerate like a youthful loon and HIT THE HORN!....... and then decellerate in their wake like a deflating balloon!!!

Hundreds of 80's drivers must have looked in their mirrors thinking...."Yes son, you know your place.... increasingly further behind me!"
(Thu 22nd Apr 2010, 15:52, More)

» Rubbish Towns

Aberdare
Stayed here a few times mainly in the strangely pleasant Municipal campsite! It's probably the safest place in town as it's dripping with CCTV cameras?
It was only 4 years ago that a friend of mine said he'd managed to find a B&B there that was £5 a night! I can now imagine why it was so cheap!
The first time I stayed there I drove into town(thank god I didn't walk) and the least offensive stuff resembling food was the Kebab shop. Not a food I normally frequent but I was hungry. It was only about 6.30pm so the town hadn't really got close to kicking off yet and the nice guy at the kebab shop began enquiring about why I was there, where was I staying etc. Basically he was saying..."the campsite's the safest place in town for you(being english) hurry back and don't look anyone in the eye!

The campsite was fine... but only having nylon for walls does mean you can hear the distant night-long screams, baying, brawling and police sirens quite clearly!
(Sun 1st Nov 2009, 18:23, More)