b3ta.com user M0nkeyb0Y
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» How clean is your house?

Mike the Shit
Derby & Rathbone Halls, Liverpool, 1999

Best years of your life etc... We had a communal kitchen on each floor; about 40 students to a kitchen with one tiny fridge. Being frugal, most opted to keep at least a little food in the fridge. Food, marked or unmarked, was snaffled up on a nightly basis by drunkards. Most saw it as collateral damage and accepted it, for others however, tensions ran high.

Some opted for diplomacy and left polite post-its on the door; one man chose direct action. He could have been the target of repeated thefts, but I suspect this was the first time he was a victim...
On returning to the kitchen from a night out, a group of revellers/raiders opened the fridge to find a single, very large (somewhere between a Stella can and a packet of Pringles), khaki-brown shit on neatly folded kitchen paper, with a note that simply read:

"eat this, not my ham"

(Mike's ham had been stolen the night before; Mike did a poo, and placed it in the fridge, it wasn't hard to join the dots. From that day forth he was known as Mike the Shit)
(Fri 26th Mar 2010, 11:42, More)