» I don't understand the attraction

The Beatles
Are shit. And here's why.

1) Lennon. Snide, sneering, hypocritical waste of space. The only good thing he did was realise that he was in love with someone and that he wanted to spend his life with her. Can't write a tune, let alone hold one. Good rhythm guitarist though.

2) McCartney. Paranoid, controlling egomaniac who got found out when he got fleeced by Heather. Writes two-dimensional, moon and June songs. Responsible for The Frog Chorus, lest we forget. Dyes his hair.

3) Harrison. Dull, dull, dull, dull, dull, as befits a Hare krishna devotee. A lead guitarist who can't play lead guitar. No-one would have noticed if he wasn't there, except there would have been fewer sitars on the later stuff. Which would have been a good thing.

4) Starr. Seems like a nice bloke, but can't play the drums, which I think is a pretty significant drawback for a drummer. Can't sing either, but we still got one track every bloody album.

5) The songs. I honestly only like one Beatles song that was written by them - She's Leaving Home. You can keep the rest. Having grown up in a Beatles loving household, I've heard every single thing they've done. To my mind, the albums get worse as they get later. Some of the covers they did early on are good. But then so were Freddie & the Dreamers.

6) The 'legacy'. Endless documentaries and biographies by middle-aged rock hacks. George bloody Martin being wheeled out every few years looking more and more decrepit. More box sets of the same stuff...

7) Public perception & actual practice. They were there at the height of the hippy phase. To paraphrase a better writer than me, they were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave and they saw the place where the wave finally broke and rolled back. They hired a bastard of a manager and a shit-load of corporate lawyers and have milked the public like a herd of AOR-obsessed heifers. Peace & love, guys.

No apologies for length. Rant over.
(Fri 16th Oct 2009, 14:36, More)

» Rubbish Towns

Just a thought...
Why don't all those people who live in Arsend-by-Nowhere [typical post: there's nothing to do here, it's so bloody quiet] swap with all those who live in Chavington [typical post: it's so bloody noisy, there's crime, rottweilers and chavs. So many chavs...]?
(Thu 29th Oct 2009, 15:59, More)

» Celebrities part II

Famous Man U footballers and me
I used to work on London's happening King's Road in the early 90's. Most of the Road is owned by the Cadogan Estate and they didn't want any bookies as tenants, so there isn't one on the road for a good mile or so. As this was pre-interweb, I had to go to a bookmakers to put my bets on. After a few days I eventually found a Billy Hills round the back by Sydney Street and became a regular at lunchtime. As was George Best. One lunchtime I met him on the street. We stopped and had a chat; he'd just been to Champneys or some such on one of his not-that-successful drying out spells and was looking better than usual. I wished him well and let him go, thinking how this might be the time he was going to turn the corner. Until I saw that he wasn't wearing any socks. And I could see his pyjama bottoms peeking out of the bottom of his trousers. And what did he smell of? Ah yes, mouthwash. Hides the gin, I believe.

The company I worked for had a children's department store in Manchester and we used to open it on occasion especially for the Beckhams. Him: lovely, lovely man. Sweet, good natured, self-deprecating, more intelligent than popular mythology would have you believe. Her: absolute nuct.

On a Man U-related note, my brother-in-law Paul is from Luton and hence a Man U fan. He was at the Champions League final in Barcelona a few years back and was having a pre-match drink in a bar. The BBC's Rob Bonnet was there and they go talking. Rob didn't have a ticket for the match, Paul did and told him so. Repeatedly. Rob eventually told him to fuck off...
(Tue 13th Oct 2009, 17:04, More)