b3ta.com user ConanTroutman
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» Letters they'll never read

Dear b3ta (and by extension, b3tans)
I like your site, I really do - I read it every day, even if the QOTW is shit.

Unfortunately, I'm a bit of a miserable cunt and don't really get up to much in my spare time - nothing worth telling the internet about anyway - so I don't post much. Still I want you to know that I appreciate your existence.

(Thu 4th Mar 2010, 17:58, More)

» Asking people out

First page, woot!
My other half and I met during 6th form. She had come from another school to do her A-Levels and I didn't speak to her until about halfway into the final year of school.

She was upset 'cause her nan had died; I saw her sitting alone looking quite sad. She was really close with her nan and she (her nan) was very seriously mentally ill for pretty much all her life; my girlfriend still cries about it now when she shares fond memories that she has of her. My first words to her were those of consolation. She had a few friends but was kinda quiet and hadn't really got to know many people at school, even after a year and a half of being there, because she found it quite hard to adjust to the change. She was grateful for my kindness and we got alot closer over the following weeks, having little cuddles and setting the common room off into heaps of huddled whispers regarding the 'new girl' (for that is what she was still referred to as) and me, the vaguely popular, hairy, eccentric rocker chap.

About a month before we left school, I walked to the park with her after school, and we sat on a bench in the sun. After talking for a few minutes, she leant in and kissed me. I'll be honest, it took me a little by surprise but I wasn't going to put a stop to it. I did the formality of actually asking her out, and we've spent all the time we can together since then.

At the Leaver's Dinner I managed to piss the biggest jock in the year off by getting smoochy in a shadowy corner with her. To see his fat red face glaring at me as I tounged the object of his affections made my year, the prick.

She later revealed to me that she had fancied me from day one.

Almost six years later and were living together, still going strong.
(Thu 10th Dec 2009, 11:43, More)

» I'm glad nobody saw me

Almost every weekday I wake up to the following situation: I need a piss, quite badly, and my house-mate is in the shower (and thus preventing me from accessing the only available toilet).

Knowing that she takes bloody ages in the bathroom, I have now taken to donning my dressing-gown, walking downstairs and pissing into an empty bottle whilst I'm waiting for the coffee to brew.

I haven't been caught yet but I feel the day will inevitably come on which the aforementioned bathroom-hogger's better half will wander into the kitchen to see me looking sheepish with my cock in a bottle.
(Sun 30th Jan 2011, 21:33, More)

» I don't understand the attraction

A couple of things that have been very briefly hinted at
that really irk me more than they perhaps should (I know I may be repeating things slightly but at least I'm not talking about the X Factor or Apple FFS):

Idle conversation - Just because I am here and you are here doesn't mean we *have* to talk. If you have something genuinely interesting to say then fine. Otherwise just leave me alone. The only way 'small talk' is acceptable to me is if I am vaguely familiar with a person and either I or they would like to try to get more familiar to make future meetings easier (i.e. in a work situation).

Door Hoggers - We all know them; the most common place for me to see one is on the bus, as it is the form of transport I use most frequently, but they can also be seen on trains, 'planes and myriad other transport media. They are the people that feel they MUST be first on/off said mode of transportation. I don't care too much, 'cause it doesn't really prevent me from alighting as and when I wish to, but it does bug me alot to see people who need to stand by the door of the bus a full three minutes or more just so they can be first off.

Also in this category are people who hog train doors and then press the 'Door Open' button a million times, as if such an act will make it open faster and they can use the 3 seconds it takes for the train to actually come to a complete stop more valuably, somehow. THEY WILL NOT OPEN unless the train is stationary. Now let it be said that some health and safety stuff is bullshit, because it surely is. This however is common sense, no?
(Mon 19th Oct 2009, 17:34, More)

» I don't understand the attraction

*Inspired by mrgibbles*
I can't go anywhere these days, much less to a party or social gathering of some description, without a bunch of pricks standing around taking group photos just so they can post them to facebook the following day.

I understand that they may be documenting a potentially enjoyable event, but when you look through photos such as those on any given FB profile they all look the bloody same! You can't even really tell the difference between venues half the time.

FFS just stop it and let me get back to drinking...
(Thu 15th Oct 2009, 16:38, More)
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