b3ta.com user Iaino
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» Caught!

Once, when I was about six...
My dad was walking past my room after I had gone to bed and wondered why I was in fits of uproarious laughter.

"What's so funny?" says he.

"I just did a massive fart" says I.

It really was dead funny too.
(Wed 9th Jun 2010, 17:15, More)

» Easiest Job Ever

When I was at uni...
I had a part time job at a local sports centre. It was a tiny place, so there was only ever one member of staff on at a time. My job was to sit at the front desk and let people in to use the facilities. Because it was so quiet, the average rate of people coming in was roughly one every half an hour or so. This essentially meant my entire time was spent sitting watching tv.

There was even a bell people could ring if I wasn't there, so I didn't even have to stay at my post. This allowed me to nip out the back for joints, play squash with my mates and, if suitably hungover, just go for a sleep in the cupboard. We even had an N64 and a SNES in the office. I remember one day whilst on an unusually long shift playing the entirety of Donkey Kong Country from start to finish.

Good times.
(Wed 15th Sep 2010, 11:15, More)

» Celebrities part II

Celebrity thievery
I do a spot of acting every now and again, and have performed at the Edinburgh Festival for the past 6 years. Whilst out promoting my shows, I've handed flyers to Dave Benson Phillips, Les Dennis, Christopher Biggins, Terry Gilliam and Belinda Belinda Belinda off of Big Brother. None of them came to see the show. Belinda admired the graphic design on the flyer though.

Anyway, this year we were sharing a dressing room with the one and only Lionel Blair. One day I came in to change into my costume, only to find it lying all over the dressing room floor. Lionel Blair had only gone and nicked my coat hanger! Apparently he'd forgotten to bring one himself. Cheeky bastard.

Also, he used to dance about in his pants before going on stage.
(Wed 14th Oct 2009, 13:54, More)