b3ta.com user burkyman
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» How clean is your house?

Aaron was his name.
Back in the days when I was a student at a reasonably well known northern land based/agricultural college. I lived in a couple of shared, college managed houses.

Students as you know for it has been archived in many post below and most probably above are some of the least sanitary animals in the world. Some ranking on a par with Tubifex tubifex.
Two of my past housemates were quite memorable as being particularly vile. The first was Sarah. She was proof that’s it not just men whom are lazy, untidy and unclean. Never cleaned had mountains of clothes all over her room the usual. But the icing on the cake was the fact she kept guinea pigs in her room! This subsequently made the 1st floor of the house stink of rodent piss. The other was Aaron.
Now Aaron was studying countryside management*. He was from a traditional countryside, Yorkshire background. “Strong in arm, thick in Ed”. He truly was a choice filthmunger. I shall now regale you with a few tales.

1. There was the time he brought a brace of pheasants home from a bit of pouching no doubt. Now as some of you may know game tends to favour a bit of hanging before consumption. The house had a conservatory type thing, this is where Aaron choose to hang these pheasants. FOR THREE MONTHS! In direct sunlight no less. The sticky puddles beneath them, would have been enough to make Bear Gills bauck! I’m fairly sure he made one of them into some kind of sweet and sour putrid flesh dish.

B. Fortunately Aaron had the ground floor bedroom and therefore had his own separate bathroom. The first thing you would notice about this bathroom (well after the stench of sweat and urine) was the lack of toilet paper. I asked him one day what he wiped with, he replied “Jus av a shower instead”. Never used that shower again! But that’s not the point; his bathroom was linked via a small lobby to the kitchen. We gave up on having tea towels after we found pubes in them. He was using them in lieu of his own towels!

iii. Aaron didn’t have his own telly. So I found him one day laying on my bed, watching TV after coming straight in from playing rugby, went a bit mental at him for that one!

D. I once went into his room trying to muster the whereabouts of some of the pots and cutlery and all of the pans. I don’t know if you have ever seen a pair of skid marked riddled pants in a pan of mouldy supernoodles, but it is quite a life affirming. Its makes you realise, you could die tomorrow!

iv. And finally the blood on his curtains. To this day nobody other than Aaron knows how this got there. Your ideas on a postcard please.

I would have told him to sort it out but he was quite a big fucker and kept a shotgun underneath his bed! He’s in the TA’s now

*Also known as gamekeeping.
(Sun 28th Mar 2010, 23:06, More)

» Doctors, Nurses, Dentists and Hospitals

I had recent trip to
Hull royal.
I had managed to cut a freaking massive hole in my thumb, cutting a daffodil bulb in half checking the viability.
The triage nurse was lovely. She didn't call me a tool like I deserved and even asked a doctor about any risk of poisoning from the daffodil (more to shut me up I think). The x ray person lady put up with me moving when she was taking one of her magic pictures. The doctor I saw was brilliant, no complaints there.
Now the guy who glued my thumb back together, he was tucking fosser! He was podding and poking and squeezing the crap out of my poor lil thumb! It hurt like hell!
Even so he did a cracking job its healed up nicely barely a noticable mark.
So i say, the NHS is pretty bo! I wouldn't swap it for anything. Not even a big block of marzipan!
(Mon 15th Mar 2010, 23:12, More)

» Famous people I hate

Those vacuous twunting e4 funts...
whom present freshly squeezed. The moronic pair of make-me-so-angry-i-cant-form-decent-adjectives-or-similes bastards. They pop up on tv in the early morn and spew forth their oh so retarded critic about what ever is new this week.
Their whole false paltry pseudo cool demeanour annoys the fuck out of me!
I would take great pleasure in strapping on some lumberjack crampons and kicking the smile off of their smug twatish faces!!
(Fri 5th Feb 2010, 23:25, More)

» Vandalism

The public hair salon is Scunthorpe....
Has for as long as I can remember, has always read pubic hair salon. Strangely nobody bothers changing the welcome to Scunthorpe signs!
(Wed 13th Oct 2010, 23:14, More)

» How clean is your house?

Gregory flies.
My friend had a pot noddle in his room for around 6 months. It started to grow its own life form. Its a wonder it didn't get up and walk to the bin itself! So we named it Gregory. This is why fruit flies will always be known as Gregory flies.
(Wed 31st Mar 2010, 19:05, More)
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