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» Failed Projects

Building project
A couple of years ago, a close friend of mine looked into building his own home to house his growing family. His father had done it, his cousin had done it. He could do it! It was also about half the price of actually buying a pre built home.

Many of our friends are in the construction business and between us, we had the skills to design, build and complete the house, from top to bottom. Architect, ground worker, bricklayer, electrician, roofer(me), carpenter, plasterer, decorator, he knew more than enough people.

He bought a plot of land, pushed the planning permission through, Simon the architect completed the plans for the house, materials were bought. We had a massive party to celebrate the breaking of the ground and the first trench for the foundations being dug.

Unfortunately, his wife became extremely drunk at the party and slept with the neighbour. They never managed to recover from the incident and they separated not long after. He now lives in a caravan on the overgrown building site.
(Sat 5th Dec 2009, 11:50, More)

» Bullshit and Bullshitters

I used to work with a guy called Ted,
He was in his 50's and was a good deal older than most of us. He was a great laugh and always had some preposterous story at hand for when we were bored waiting for a delivery. None of us believed a word of it. He knew it and we knew he knew it. He just liked making up these stories.

He joined the army when he was 17 and was stationed in West Berlin for 6 years, where he was involved in mass orgies in the barracks. Was transferred as liaison to the Australian army, where he was involved in combat in Vietnam. He worked in South America as a mercenary paid by the US to fight the drugs trade. He spent time in the Middle East when he was on the hippie trail to India. He escaped from Afghanistan when the Soviets invaded.

I haven't seen Ted for almost 5 years as I moved away and started a new job, but I received an call from an exited ex-work colleague a few months ago. One of the delivery drivers recognised Ted from the army and they spent a happy afternoon together reminiscing. This guy was also present at the West Berlin orgies, he'd also been part of the unit that ended up in Vietnam, he was the guy who put Ted in touch with the contact who got him work in S.America.

I have to admit, I preferred it when I though the stories were pure fantasy.
(Thu 13th Jan 2011, 23:28, More)

» PE Lessons

Dogs eat dog
Our school was ahead of the game when it came to making sure pupils weren't victimised by the system. You didn't fail tests, you just didn't pass them. 'Could try harder' was about the worst thing teachers could say about you.

Our PE staff were not happy with these new emerging ideas, and set out to ensure that the rot didn't spread to their area of teaching. Competition wasn't just encouraged, winning was the only result that counted. It often didn't matter how you won, just as long as you won.

In football and rugby, there were no such things as fouls. Bodyline bowling was taught in cricket. Coming first at cross country running was often determined by the winners friends who bunked lessons to ambush the other runners, who might be a possible threat.

This method of teaching came to a halt one lesson, when one half played football, while the other half played hockey. One footballer was taken to hospital with a broken leg and ankle from a particularly nasty tackle and one hockey player was carted off with a shattered eye socket.

The truth about the win-at-all-costs method of teaching came out during the inquiry into the accidents and the two teachers were fired.

Despite the fact that we'd come home black and blue from some lessons, we much preferred them to the the dance lessons that replaced them.
(Wed 25th Nov 2009, 13:47, More)

» "You're doing it wrong"

Wiring plugs
I can never get it right. When I was younger, I assumed that blue=live because blue is the colour of electricity, brown=earth because earth is brown and yellow/green is therefore neutral.

No matter how many mnemonics I learn or times I have to look it up, I always, always, have to phone my father.
(Thu 15th Jul 2010, 20:35, More)

» The B3TA Confessional

Forgive me father
For I have sinned. I've managed to break all except one commandment and enjoyed every minute of it. When I do finally break 'You shall have no other gods before me' do I win a prize?
(Thu 26th Aug 2010, 22:34, More)
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