b3ta.com user eggs and spam
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for eggs and spam:
Profile Info:


Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Awesome teachers

Dr. P
We had the best GCSE biology teacher who unfortunately left just before the actual GCSEs and was replaced by a total cockshite, (but thats for another story).

Some of his best moments:
- Teaching the basics of DNA using fizzy laces and jelly beans held together with toothpicks.
- Explaining dilution using farts, and 'fart atoms.'

His best moment comes from an afternoon of sports. We students were 'warming up' with a few laps of the sports pitch, and as usual the larger, more unfit kid (who shall be referred to as R from now) was lagging behind. The PE teacher was shouting out and generally putting the kid down, with some comments that shouldn't really be said by a teacher. Anyway R trips and the teacher bursts out laughing and adding more condescending comments. At this moment Dr. P was walking past the sports field and casually shouts, "At least he's not fucking the librarian," (a large unsightly hell demon) and walks into the science building. This turned out to be true, and of course spreads around the school like wildfire, causing said PE teacher's wife to find out. Last I heard he was fired and is living at home with his parents.

At the end of year assembly when Dr. P left he had the longest, and loudest cheer of the year.
(Fri 18th Mar 2011, 2:22, More)

» Ginger

Ginger Patches
At a friend's a while back now he tells me he's glad ginger skips a generation as his dad used to be a ginger before he went grey.

His mum shouts from the kitchen "He's still ginger in places!"

... Disgusted look between us.

Back to Lurking for me.
(Mon 1st Mar 2010, 16:34, More)

» Bedroom Disasters

The light from behind
In the misty past of first year of Uni (last year), some friends of mine became a couple. Nothing unusual about this, regular nights of bedroom acrobatics, usually in his halls room which happened to be on the ground floor.

After a while they got sick of us knocking on the window, interrupting their acrobatic routine, to ask if they wanted to join us at the pub. They finally had the realisation that they could carry on in her halls room, which happened to be on the 10th floor of the tower block in our student village, there will be no knock on the window there they think, they don't even bother closing the windows as there are no buildings tall enough in the surrounding area. It was particularly dark at this point, and I'm told this was a particularly spectacular session, so much so that the room seemed to get lighter as they went on. Curious about this light they pause to turn around and see the silhouette of a man with a torch strapped to his head.

Now from my point of view we were headed to the pub, did the usual knocking on the window routine but unfortunately to no avail, so we assumed they were out. As we passed the tower we saw a fire engine and a few firemen, but no smoke, fire or screaming people, so we had a wonder over and asked what was going on, a helpful fireman told us, as this was the tallest building in the area the university allowed them to train for high rise building fires with this building, which included abseiling.

The best thing was as we walked off we joked that they were probably screwing with the curtains open and the firemen were going to get a good show.

We were right.
(Wed 29th Jun 2011, 14:59, More)

» How clean is your house?

Kitchen at Uni
I'm living in Uni halls at the moment and we have kitchen inspections every couple of weeks. We used to be good at cleaning the kitchen but recently we have failed a few inspections, and have not been charged for them cleaning it, so it is mostly left to the cleaners now.

We reached a new bin hight record the other day... 30 cm from the ceiling.

(Thu 25th Mar 2010, 15:00, More)

» House Guests

Skittles Vodka...
You can probably tell where this is heading.

Last summer a couple of friends had been in America for 3 or 4 months and when they returned they decided the best way to catch up with everyone was to have them round to their house and get completely smashed. As the night went on, one guy we'll call him Matt (for that is his name) decided to bring out his vodka, which he had been dissolving skittles in for the past few days, this was after polishing off a whole crate of Old Speckled Hen. So skittles vodka shots all around! everyone lined up with their shot and down the hatch... and in the case of Matt, straight back up the hatch and on to the kitchen floor followed by the speckled hen. After we got him outside with a bucket the clean up operation began, and by the time we finished he had disappeared from the back doorstep deeper into the garden. Someone found him wandering around by the pond, where he had just thrown up again.

Unfortunately in the past year the few times I've met him for a drink he has always ended the night with the technicolour yawn.
(Fri 7th Jan 2011, 14:08, More)
[read all their answers]