b3ta.com user Ymob
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» Bodge Jobs


I dont know why, but Little Fluffy here does a good job keeping the monkeys away from the guavas thus avoiding to:
a) get a "pest consultant"
b) buy a gun to scare then away
c) destroy the environment chopping down trees to make home made catapaults.(there were lots I assure you)

Now the fuckers are content to stare from a safe distance.
(Wed 16th Mar 2011, 6:58, More)

» Bodge Jobs

No duct tape here...
Narrated to me by my father, who is one of the best mechanics I've ever known - the real life MacGyver. Think Joginder Singh in a pick-up or bakkie (whatever you call it)

He gets a call from one of his friends who are stranded with 3 other white-collar, bean-counter or lawyer types in a rural part of Kenya. By rural - I mean on the moon, except for the atmosphere, the already potholed tarmac and fuck-off to DR Congo jungle on both sides.

They get a puncture - the car is jacked and all the wheel nuts are off. The problem is they couldnt get the wheel off the hub. The wheel hub had expanded in the hot weather, trapping the rim on place.

Their efforts at pulling the wheel off are mightily jeopardised by the fact that
a) they are well into their 50s
b) don't have much experience changing a burst tyre

So the lawyer, H, calls up dad. Who asks him all the basic questions, etc...

Dad: have you got any water ?
H: No we just finished the last bottle... its 40 C out here
Dad: How many guys are you altogether.
H: four
Dad: nothing to it then... just line up and piss on the rim of the wheel!
H: Sorry - what?
Dad: Where are my manners? All of you ought to PISS ON THE FUCKING WHEEL - shouldnt be that difficult...

At this point H puts the cellphone on loudspeaker and asks dad to repeat what he said for all to hear.
Bewildered expressions and protests everywhere, but if they were to go on they had to do it. And it was getting dark.

It paid off, the wheel came off and the rest is not worthy of being mentioned here.

It became a great story at parties whenever they got together.
(Mon 14th Mar 2011, 8:57, More)

» Irrational Hatred

Who say "nucular" instead of nuclear!!! Yes you GWB!! Fuck you, you fucking pus prick!!!

(Sat 2nd Apr 2011, 19:02, More)

» Waste of money

oh dear
When I was small I jumped from a tree, got hurt and especially wasted m'knee...
(Sat 2nd Oct 2010, 9:59, More)

» The Apocalypse

I used to
know a French guy who could do Angelina Jolie facial expressions, we used to call him 'Le Pucker Lips'

/runs away far
(Thu 21st Jun 2012, 11:39, More)
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