b3ta.com user DaftenDirekt
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Profile for DaftenDirekt:
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Sometimes as daft as my name suggests. People often say they think I am much younger due to the way I act... I take it as a compliment. It's not.

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Best answers to questions:

» Mums

It's my first post, please be gentle
My brother, dad and I all love my mum dearly, and even more so when she says or does something crazy. I suspect it is because my mum doesnt like silence, so if no one speaks, she will continue to do so until someone takes over, even if this brings her to say the most random or stupid things.

Pitcure this, I am moving abroad for a while and invite the rents round for a bye bye dinner.

Mum: "So, er, do they have internet in Japan?"
Daft: "Of course they do, they are a pretty high-tech country."
Mum: "Yeah I knew that, but does facebook reach(?) all the way over there is what I mean."
Daft: "...yeaaah, facebook is pretty much anywhere the internet is."
Mum: "Ah right, right... so, er, do they have... washing machines in Japan?"
Daft: "...What??... No mum, they all smack their clothes against rocks by the river."
Mum: "Really??"
Daft: "No mum."

(the questions continue for an hour)

While away I set the rents up with a skype account so we could chat every so often. One time, I catch my mum while she is home alone. She has been talking frantically for the last ten minutes about her new wallpaper boarders or something like that, then stops suddenly, and begins to frantically scan the ceiling with eyes wide like a squirrel on E.

Mum: "Oh my God!... is the roof leaking?!?!"
Daft: "....?"
Mum: touches her forehead "Oh it's ok, I'm just sweating."

You could literally hear my laughs on the other side of the world!*

She is also a total chocoholic, but I will save that also a devious chocoholic, but I will save that for another post.

*Technically via skype, I'm not that loud
(Thu 18th Feb 2010, 9:09, More)

» Drunk Parents

The day I met the mother-in-law
We had traveled for several hours by car to get her house.

Upon our arrival she proceeded to get hideously drunk, leading incomprehensible shouty babble and 'singing' on the karaoke machine (it was switched off, mind).
Then she pissed herself, 'marking her territory' over several pieces of furniture; and tried to come on to me big style (which included trying to sit on my lap in her drenched knickers), before being dragged off upstairs to bed by her husband.

We'd been there 45 minutes.
(Sat 26th Feb 2011, 11:35, More)

» Amazing displays of ignorance

Something I did
I once wanted cheese on toast, but couldn't be bothered to wait for the grill to heat up, so I put it in the toaster.

... yes, vertically.

15 years later and my dad still loves to bring this up.
(Sat 20th Mar 2010, 10:15, More)

» Best and worst TV ads

A cross between Bill Bailey and the chuckle brothers

(Thu 15th Apr 2010, 20:01, More)

» Amazing displays of ignorance

In Universal Studios, Florida
Tour guide: "so who here is not from the US?"
*another family and ourselves raise hands*
TG: "So where are you from?"
US: "England"
Them: "Scotland"
TG: "Oh wow. In fact, I only found out that they are now completely separate countries after watching that movie Braveheart"

As the American families smile and nod, our two families just look at each other with a 'wtf??' face.
(Sat 20th Mar 2010, 10:40, More)
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