b3ta.com user Lemon_martini
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» Letters they'll never read

An introduction to be made
Dear B3taettes,I have been lurking here for a few months and have delighted in the foibles,idiosyncracies and sufferings of you and your fellow Betans.I have now taken the chance to make myself at home and come out of the bushes to expose myself as it were.This is me.

I have 30 Earth years although I can still pass for 18 with the gift of eternal youth.I am fit in both mind and body-indeed I am 'special' for I have Asperger's and we are all cool little freaks.I might come and sit on your lap uninvited as we don't do personal space,but being able to memorize the whole book of singles charts means I am highly welcome at the pub quiz,where our team has now got 13 unopened bottles of wine in prizes to consume.

I have an ecletic musical range as long as it is not rnb or boybands. Be different-the Beautiful South,the Smiths,Amy Diamond,Hot Chocolate,even kitsch dancing German teddy bears are all good

I am a thespian.I prance the boards and will be cast as 'Red Weed' in our War of the Worlds production.I can line dance without serious bodily harm,although I am likely to go into a wild ballet.I collect cool souvenirs from around the world-postcards,magnets,even little bottles of ash from volcanoes all arrive in my mailbox and am a Formula 1 aficionado and can play Scrabble at a virtuoso level.

I am bizarrely lovable.Described in a school report as an 'individual fruit pie' I have indeed lived up to that expectation-indeed I dressed as a jam tart to fulfil this prophecy. I have also been a schoolgirl,hula dancer,scuba diver and Smurf-all with perfectly justifiable reasons.

I have worked as a courgette picker for one day before erupting into blotches,as a timeshare dude for one night and for considerably longer doing good and charitable works,and putting my voice on the airwaves in the radio.

And yet I still lack a female partner.Perhaps it was the dare to wear their little sister's bra for the day that put them off.More likely the dare to pad it with brambles.Or quite possibly my compulsive urge to whizz down the supermarket aisles on trolleys.Yet I need some companionship-sweet,loving and as complete a fruitcake as I am.

Now who could resist this.If only the B3taettes knew I was here,they would surely be intrigued by this odd specimen and wish to find out more,to discover the romantic side that would take them for a moonlight walk on the beach....before pursuing them armed with a crab.

If only I'd have the chance to say this to them,surely there must be a nice little B3taette out there who would cherish me.But I haven't written this letter yet.

Oh.Wait.I have done.
I shall wait and see what happens.
Oh and welcome.I shall enjoy my time in the padded cells of B3ta.After all my family tree reads 'May contain nuts'.
(Wed 10th Mar 2010, 0:34, More)