b3ta.com user mellocakes
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» Good Advice

All the best advice comes from ladies' magazines
I was reading a Bella or Best or Woman's Own round my mum's house and in the problem pages was the best advice e.v.e.r...

Dear aunty whatever,
My husband keeps trying to persuade me to have anal sex with him. I don't want to but he says it's great and I'll really enjoy it. What should I do?
Yours,
Miserable in Merseyside

Dear Miserable in Merseyside,
Go out and buy a big dildo and tell your husband if it's so great why don't you try it on him first.
Yours,
Aunty whatever
(Sat 22nd May 2010, 13:38, More)

» Expensive Weekends

Check the size of a lady's hands before you go down a dark alley with her...
I lived in Thailand by the beach for three years and got loads of visitors. I've never been so popular, but I was working so the visitors usually had to entertain themselves a fair bit. Almost all the bloke-mates who visited confessed, either at the time or later on, that they'd gone off with a lady while they were there who'd turned out to be a lady-boy. Not one of them noticed before it was too late, and they still had to pay, ha ha!

Expensive in terms of dignity and self-respect, priceless in terms of mockery fodder for me!
(Sun 16th May 2010, 13:10, More)

» Cars

Has anyone else been in an Egyptian taxi?
8 lanes squeezed into a 3 lane road, rust holes in the floor so big you can see the road fly past, trying to feel you up at 100km/hr... I could go on!
(Thu 22nd Apr 2010, 14:14, More)

» Best and worst TV ads

Wae-oh-wa-oh-wa-oh
That Kit Kat advert with the song really gets stuck in my head, so if one of you could finish the song off for me I could sing it all the way through and, in theory, banish it from my head forever.

Ta!

Wae-oh-wa-oh-wa-oh
Wae-oh-wa-oh-wa
Choco I miss you dancing
Miss you dancing with me
Every day-y yeah (yea-yea yea-yea-yea)
...
(Sun 18th Apr 2010, 3:02, More)