» Cars

Multi-story car parks
Now, in a built up city like Birmingham, there's hardly enough room to swing a cat at street level, let alone fit in a ground level car park for all those Chelsea tractors, the solution obviously being to build multi-story car parks. I, like most of my friends, utterly refuse to park in them unless totally necessary: They're tight, dangerous, ill looked after and generally a bitch to drive through.

Except for one. This one, it was determined, you needed to park right at the top, facing the exit ramp. Due to the drainage facilities being non existent, the roof was on a slight gradient, to stop huge lakes of rain water. This, combined with the tight concentric ramps to exit meant that, come leaving, if you just took the handbrake off, coasted in neutral down the first ramp them put full steering lock on, you could just roll all the way down this 5 story car park, with no need for brakes, gears, steering, anything; it was hilarious.

By the time you reached the main exit, it was easy enough to kick the car into third, and just pull straight out and continue on with your day, regardless of the 5mph speed limits. I think this went on sparsely for about 2 months, until, one fateful day, we came rolling out of the car park and *flash*. Some armor plated, stainless steel CCTV camera, so freshly installed the concrete has yet to dry, collars us. 2 days later, £60 speeding fine. Was the camera solely for our benefit? Who knows...
(Thu 22nd Apr 2010, 15:02, More)

» Annoying words and phrases

Moronic schoolchildren...
Something which happened to me frequently in senior school, then quite infrequently but still evident in sixth form was this wonderful adaptation of English:

"Can you borrow me..."
"I will borrow you..."

No. Just no. You will not. You *lend* me objects, I *lend* you objects, you borrow off of me and I borrow off of you: Something that truly makes me rage.
(Fri 9th Apr 2010, 20:25, More)