b3ta.com user Variable
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» Funerals II

The write way to go
An ex who died of a brain tumour, a beautiful and sensual hippie lady, asked to be buried in a white cardboard coffin and her son supplied boxfulls of multicoloured marker pens so we could draw messages and pictures on it. My message: "Thanks for all the sex and drugs babe". It felt like a way to connect one last time and it was strangely comforting.
(Thu 11th Apr 2013, 19:20, More)

» How clean is your house?

Where's Johnny?
Back in the day when I needed such things, I disposed of used condoms by tying them up and flicking them under the bed. But there never seemed to be as many there as I remembered using. Odd. Years later I moved the bed and discovered the reason. The underside of the old bed had exposed springs, and dozens of condoms in various stages of crinkly decomposition were wrapped around them.
(Tue 30th Mar 2010, 11:33, More)

» Why will you burn in hell?

Pew pew pew
Back around 1980 I was chief reporter of a local rag in a Home Counties Cathedral city - and a hardline atheist (and a troublemaker). I came across a small group of angry ladies who were promoting the scandalous idea that women could become priests. It struck me that such an idea would cause chaos in the church establishment and was an opportunity for mischief not to be missed.
So I became their secret press adviser and spin writer, while also giving them maximum publicity in my own paper. It culminated in an embarrassing public stand-off between the local Bishop, who supported them, and the Dean of his cathedral, who threatened to resign. He didn't, but within a few years our fledgling Movement for the Ordination of Women was a national pressure group who eventually won their cause. To this day those ladies think I was there to help them. I wasn't. I didn't give a toss about women priests. I just wanted to cause trouble.
(Sat 14th Jul 2012, 18:29, More)

» Terrified!

Don't look down
Having conquered my irrational mild fear of heights by successfully completing fire brigade training school I thought I was invulnerable.
Until the first time I found myself sixty feet up on a wet pitched tile roof. That was when I found I wasn't afraid of heights - I WAS TERRIFIED OF HEIGHTS. The prospect of sliding down that slope and WHOOOSHing out into space nearly made me throw up. After that I always made sure I had something important to do ON THE FRIKKING GROUND like operating the pumps. Sod trying to be a hero.
(Sun 8th Apr 2012, 8:16, More)

» Good Advice

Worrying is praying for things you don't want to happen.
(Fri 21st May 2010, 11:25, More)
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