b3ta.com user Astatine
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Slightly warped beer-sodden old geek.

Recent front page messages:

And there's nothing wrong with that.
(Sat 28th Dec 2013, 20:05, More)

I suppose he has to earn his keep, somehow

(Thu 26th Jul 2007, 21:41, More)

(Fri 12th Mar 2004, 16:42, More)

(Fri 27th Feb 2004, 17:58, More)

(Thu 13th Nov 2003, 13:04, More)

Finally... the mystery of Loch Ness is solved!

Clicky for bigger
(Fri 5th Sep 2003, 15:13, More)

Sometimes, the Doctor would park on ice rinks for fun.

(Tue 26th Aug 2003, 13:30, More)

Wouldn't you be smiling?

(Wed 30th Jul 2003, 11:45, More)

Iwo Jima: The Untold Story.
Semper Furdelis
Cute furry animals in the US military isn't a recent development. In fact, it's as old as bandwagon-jumping...
(Fri 21st Feb 2003, 1:52, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Sexual fetishes

Went 'round to visit some friends on a quiet Sunday afternoon.
Social call, cup of tea, natter about things and stuff.

The friend's girlfriend turns up half an hour later with a cheery looking border collie in tow. She says it's followed her home. Looking at the thing, it's obviously a well-kept critter - nails clipped, shiny coat and all that - but it doesn't have a collar or anything to help find its owner. A search party trawls a couple of nearby streets for someone looking for an escaped dog, to no avail. So my friends pop a collar and lead on it, and take it to wherever the police say you're supposed to take lost dogs in the hope that their owner will be looking.

I'm half-way home when I realise that neither my friend nor his girlfriend have ever owned a dog.
(Sun 25th Oct 2009, 13:17, More)

» I don't understand the attraction

Schoolgirls. Or, to be more precise, fantasies about schoolgirls.
What the holy living fuck is going on with that? If there's one thing I learnt at school, schoolgirls are the nearest thing to a living incarnation of evil on this planet; their concentrated malevolence is mitigated only by the fact that they are typically as lumpenly pig-ignorant as schoolboys. Who in their right mind would want their genitals anywhere near that?

What sort of crazy would you have to be to be turned on by the thought of a schoolgirl? For sanity's sake, leave 'em a few years to grow into a woman's body, and hopefully connect enough braincells together to be capable of some semblance of human empathy.
(Sat 17th Oct 2009, 2:22, More)

» The Meaning Of Giff

(1) The unwelcome shade of grey that a website fades to as you hit a paywall and/or a pop-up nagging you to turn your adblocker off.

(2) Any trivial technique used for circumventing nagging pop-ups and pay walls.
(Mon 30th Apr 2018, 17:36, More)

» The Meaning Of Giff

(onomatopoeia) The noise made by a dog with a lisp.
(Mon 30th Apr 2018, 17:25, More)

» Walkman Flashbacks

Baby I Ain't Foolin'
Way back when this were all fields, and I was a student, I shared a house with - amongst other long-haired reprobates - a couple who insisted on shagging as loud as possible. Maybe it really was that exciting, maybe they were showing off. Who knows?
One afternoon a couple of housemates and I were nattering on the landing when a familiar sequence of panting, grunting and thumping noises drifted down from the attic. We blinked, looked at each other, and realised that it sounded not entirely unlike the rude noises in the middle of Led Zeppelin's Whole Lotta Love. In the interests of Science, we queued a tape of Led Zep II up to the appropriate moment on a handy ghetto blaster, cranked it as loud as possible and waited until they noticed.

I can no longer hear that song again without hearing the pounding stop, a woman yell "BAAASSSTAAAARRRDS!" down the stairs at us, and a bunch of hairy rockers giggling uncontrollably.
(Wed 30th Mar 2005, 1:26, More)
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