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» Foot in Mouth Syndrome II

Visiting the Reichstag in Berlin
As a crowd control measure, they let you in through some slidey glass doors. Then you are trapped in a glass room before some other slidey doors open up and admit you to the building proper.

As the door closed, I said "They'll start pumping in the gas any minute now..."
(Thu 16th Aug 2012, 20:02, More)

» War

One-armed bandits
I spent my 6 months working in an Afghan police station. One of the characters was Wali, the jailor. Wali's distinguishing feature was that he had only one arm, the other having been lost due to unspecified violence some years ago. He was a pretty useless jailor, but I preferred not to tell him so as he could easily have kicked my arse with his remaining limb.

One day they had a new prisoner in, so I went down with an interpreter to get his story. It turned out that the guy had been in a dispute with another local family over some boundaries. Rather than harrass the council, hire some lawyers or accept mediation, they two families decided to settle things in the local way: they shot each other up. Our hero had acquired a war wound as a result, which he decided to show us. Rolling up his trouser leg, he revealed the world's most pathetic scar - his adversary must have been using a bb gun, such was the puny size of the injury. Wali's response didn't need translating: rolling up his own trouser leg, his calf looked like someone had set their dog on it. "You think that's a scar? This is a fucking scar, my friend."

The guy didn't say much after that.
(Thu 31st May 2012, 20:54, More)

» Self-Inflicted injuries

A well known intellectual and author of several popular novels once reversed his car into me. As I lay broken on the floor in a puddle of my own vomit, I remember thinking "if only there was a way I could work this story into a torturous pun for QOTW..."

But nothing came to mind.
(Thu 28th Nov 2013, 19:54, More)

» Shit Claims to Fame II

David Cameron walked past me on my commissioning parade at Sandhurst
In the media photos you can just about make out my nose and eyebrows poking out from the guy next to me, as DC struts his stuff. He didn't stop to talk.
(Thu 20th Sep 2012, 17:27, More)