b3ta.com user His Popiness the Hole
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I'm, erm, middle aged and I work for a big I T Distie as a Key Accounts Customer Service rep. I had a Post Office once upon a time in a typical English 'town'. If you've seen the Renault ad full of apparent fuckwits, that was the town. It's actually a little village that takes less than a minute to drive through. Before moving there, I had a bit of money and a life. The Post Office soon took care of that..

Oh and I once won 16 grand on 'who wants to sit with Chris Tarrant in a fucking freezing cold studio'. I didn't know what Harold MacMillan's real first name was. It was Maurice but it wasn't posh enough so he used his middle name Harold, the pretentious Tory twat.

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Best answers to questions:

» Losing it

My ex's Dad
was helping with the cooking one afternoon and decided to make some gravy, so out came the Bisto granules, into a mug with some boiling water. He then finished it off with milk and 2 sugars.
(Fri 22nd Jul 2011, 0:10, More)

» Bodge Jobs

I once got called out
to do a job in a hotel in Torquay. The owner and his wife wanted a doorway knocking through from reception to the kitchen and the drawing room door blocking off, but I, being such a fuckwit, blocked up the dining room doorway and put a door at the bottom of the stairs. Well, when the owner came back and saw what I'd done, he phoned me up and said he was going to insert a garden gnome up my arse.

Anyway, I went back to the hotel and I admitted that I'd made a mistake and attempted to lighten the situation with a little humour but the owners wife laid into me with her umbrella!
I'm never going there again, I can tell you.
(Fri 11th Mar 2011, 23:57, More)

» Caught!

Following on from jvz's little tale...
I once, in my younger days of course, was walking round Blackpool, talent spotting from the safety of a big pair of sunglasses and getting some very strange looks indeed. It was only when we went into a boozer and I took the fucking things off that I realised that I only had one lens in, the other one had fallen out in my pocket.

In my defence, I was a little shitfaced at the time...
(Sat 5th Jun 2010, 14:23, More)

» Bad Management

I work for
a big IT Distributor, it's my 3rd time there. The HR lady is ace, friendly, funny, helpful and a joy. The senior management, MD, Company Chairman are all first name people and quite happy to listen to any suggestions you may have or spend time having a natter. My Head of Department and my Team Leader are both funny, lovely people who will go out of their way to help anyone who has a problem.
I was last there 4 years ago for 6 months helping to setup a facility to get rid of their aged stock, it was the best job I ever had and I only left cos me and MrsAitch were buying a business that ended up ruining our bloody lives. I'm back there now and I honestly couldn't be happier. It's like being among old, good friends and I ain't leaving again.
(Wed 16th Jun 2010, 17:05, More)

» Annoying words and phrases

And more bigger, most reddest etc.
I hear the juvenile ignorami using bollocks like this all the time, but I heard a teacher saying 'more better' on the radio a few weeks ago and I almost went into fucking orbit. No wonder the country is full of fuckwits.

And 'would of, could of, should of'. I had a full blown argument on a football forum when I pointed out that it's actually 'would have' or 'would've' to someone, it ended up with him questioning my parentage and calling me a fucking snob.

And people are now using 'are' instead of 'our', eg. 'Why don't you come round to are house?'


*takes some more vallium...*
(Tue 13th Apr 2010, 16:44, More)
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