» Getting Old

I'm old
I turned 30 this year, our first child is due in August and I genuinely drive a Honda accord, stick that it your pipe and smoke it (probably whilst wearing slippers and drinking horlicks)
(Fri 8th Jun 2012, 15:31, More)

» World of Random

Teh Randoms
Like a few other people on here, I live in quite a small town that seems to have more than it's fair share of random/creepy/crazy peoples. We have two trannies, one of whom is possibly the worst tranny in existence, known to us locals as rubber jenny, he/she/it is 50+ years old, wears mini skirts and tights no matter what the weather, even though it/he/she has the skinniest nastiest legs ever, also makes no attempt whatsoever to speak in a feminine voice.
Next there is a colourful character known as sheppy, a mentally challenged individual that enjoys nothing more than hanging around bus stops, waving at cars and dancing to choons he listens to on a variety of devices, ranging from walkmans to full size ghetto blasters that he carries on his shoulder in an old skool stylee. He has been banned from just about every bus stop in the town, as bus drivers often mistake his random wavings as him trying to flag down a bus. They stop, open the doors, then he just continues dancing, and smiling maniacally! He also randomly attacked a guy I went to school with for no reason, even though everyone considers him to be "a harmless nutter", which is rather a contradiction me thinks.
And now to possibly the greatest, in my opinion, random nutjob that resides in our fair village. I like to call him the crazy singing headphone guy. The first time I encountered this individual was late evening, having just returned from quite a long road trip, me and the Mrs stopped off at the local petrol station/off licence to pick up some booze to have a relaxing night in. We are perusing the wine section when all of a sudden we hear a particularly terrible rendition of Roy Orbison's pretty woman, we turn to see a 60ish year old man, wearing Bo Selecta Craig David style headphones, and carrying an early 90's CD Walkman. Fair enough we think, he's just having a sing along, not too crazy considering the other freaks in town, but then things became more disturbing, he started to ad lib! Imagine please, to the tune of pretty woman;
"oh whoa, pretty woman, walking down the street, pretty woman, I'd like to meet you because you seem really nice, much nicer than my wife, I'm going to call the police because I'm going to kill my wife before she kills me, then I'm going to kill myself because my wife's a bitch, oh whoa won't someone call the police because I hate my wife"

He then left of his own accord, leaving several bemused people, including ourselves, a mixture of scared, concerned but also slightly amused! There are plenty more weirdos I could talk about, but then I feel I'd be rambling, well slightly more rambling than I already have.
(Sat 23rd Apr 2011, 9:26, More)

» Ouch!

Various ouches
I have a long, long history of personal injury, here are the ones I can remember, in no particular chronological order, many many words, sorry:

Sliding down a grass banking as a child, put hand down to slow descent, something sharp & nasty lurking, 2 inch slice in the middle finger of my left hand, bled, bled a lot, an unbelievable amount, cue for my friends to run screaming to my mother "his finger is hanging off!!" got some of those crappy butterfly stitches, decent looking scar. No pain due to shock.

Lead counterweight from my dad's grandfather (long case for the buffs) clock rolled off a workbench, weighs around 5kg made of solid lead, connected with my slippered foot between my big toe and second toe, smarted a little, lot of childish crying, visit to A&E, x ray shows inch long crack in my foot, sod all they can do about it, strapped up and told to keep weight off it for a while.

Running at speed down the playground at junior school, goes downhill at a reasonable gradient, "friend" decides to trip me up, head first into a wall. Knocked unconscious so no pain, next couple of days were a blur due to concussion, couldn't see properly for a week.

Car crash, sideways and backwards into a steel & concrete fence and some trees at around 50mph. Last thing I see is a tree, next I'm out of the car looking at it upside down with the wheels still spinning, massively confused. Help arrives, I now can't see particularly well due to blood pouring down my forehead into my eyes, plus concussion. Voices sound kind of distant, but I come around a bit "you're going to have to sit down mate!!" me: "piss off, it's muddy!" so sat down on a wall, now pain starts kicking in, head is just numb (number than usual) but shoulder is excruciating, probably an 8-9/10 I can move my arm, but hurts like a biatch. Get bundled in ambulance, along with the missus who was in passenger side, spend three days in hospital, injuries as follows:

Head: 4 inch gash (giggity) on my left forehead, had a look when they took bandages off, could see my skull, nasty bit was it cut through the muscles that hold the left side of my face up, so my eye was almost where my cheek should be, and everything else lower, my eye is now slightly lower than my right.

Shoulder: This was a REAL mess, turns out I hit the steering wheel hard, the top of it was now flat instead of round! The airbag didn't trigger as it was a side impact, so my shoulder tore off the airbag cover, which stripped all the flesh off from my shoulder blade and about 2 inches of my chest, also gouged my neck, just missing the jugular. An eye witness at the scene said he could see various bones, muscles and tendons through afore mentioned fleshless mess, and was very concerned every time I moved my arm that some bone or other was going to pop out!

Now have some impressive looking scars, with a horrible pink, veiny blob on my chest where a couple of inches of flesh had to completely regrow. Most painful part though, the twat in the Z3 that cause the crash drove off, leaving me to take the blame despite witnesses in my favour, I now have a deep hatred of BMW drivers.

Last nasty injury, a very random burn. Was putting a beef joint in the oven to roast, had it on one of those plastic roasting bags, stuck it in the oven, top of the bag touched the top element, dropped a red hot blob of molten plastic onto the thumbnail of my right hand, said blob then melted through my nail and into the very soft, very sensitive nail bed, it hurt, it hurt a shitload, I swore, swore some more flailed my arms about, then ran it under cold water for a long time. Would have to be a 8/10 on the pain scale.
(Mon 2nd Aug 2010, 19:15, More)

» First World Problems

Some people can't even afford new cars...
Because they bought 2 houses to rent out in the last year, last one was £250k.... cash. So, boo hoo (not me by the way, I can't afford 1 house to LIVE IN, or a new car!)
(Fri 2nd Mar 2012, 16:31, More)

» Crap Gadgets

Sony Ericsson accessories
Specifically the bits for my T68i I bought for an ass load of cash about a decade ago. It had no built in camera, MP3 player or radio, unlike todays smart phones. You could however purchase the afore mentioned gizmos in the form of fairly bulky clip on accessories. So I had to choose which bits to take with me for the day, lest I be burdened with the whole dam lot of them. Especially useless was the MP3 widget, which used SD cards, which at the time cost about as much as the phone itself for one with a reasonable capacity. The bundled card was a hefty 32Mb, which meant I could squeeze an impressive dozen songs on it at best, after hearing the same 12 songs repeated about 6 or 7 times during a shift at work, it was quickly tossed into a drawer somewhere, where I believe it still resides today. I now have a smug twat-esque smart phone, with a reasonable 8Gb of storage, enough for about 5 days of non stop musical joy, so could listen music all day every day at work for about two weeks without ever hearing a song twice (shuffle off of course) and how often do I use this "wonder of modern technology" to while away the hours of boredom at work? Correct, never....

At least I never bought the bluetooth controlled mini RC car, although I was tempted.
(Sun 2nd Oct 2011, 15:33, More)